Monday, January 31, 2011

Sardar Jokes | Funny Jokes

Sardar send SMS to his BOSS: - I am sick, no work.

Boss SMS back:- When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.

One hours later sardar sms 2 boss:- I am ok, your wife very sweet

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Santa & Banta Ek kabristan mein baith kar baat kar rahe the.

Santa:- Banta, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hain.

Tabhi Saare murde uth khare hue aur bole:- Kiyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de kar paai hai...

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Bewafa tum ho to wafadaar hum bhi nahi hain,

Besharam tum ho to sharamdaar hum bhi nahi hain,

Pyaar ke is mode par aake kehte ho ki shadishuda ho,

To sun lo ki kunware hum bhi nahin hain.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Funny Jokes | Cool Jokes

Boy:- hum 35 bahan bhai hain.


Girl:- Kya tumhare ghar Family Planning wale nhi aye the.


Boy:- Aye the. Hum sab padh rahe the, wo coaching centre smjh ke wapas chale gaye.


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Judge:- Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.


Lawyer:- Kaun saala aisa kehta hai?


Judge:- Tum ne mujhe saala bola?


Lawyer:- Nahi My Lord, Meine pucha ki KAUN-SA-LAW aisa kehta he?





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Santa:- Jab mai mar jaun to samne wali family ko zaroor bulana.


Banta:- Kyun?


Santa:- Yaar, unke ghar ki ladies murde se lipat-lipat kar roti hain.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Funny Jokes - Hindi Jokes

Boy to Girl Friend – Dear look into my eyes, what do you see, tell honestly.


Girlfriend – True Love.


Boy – Abe O true love wali, Macchar najar nahi aaya kya, jaldi nikal.


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Ladke ne Ladki ko phool diya kamal.


Ladki ne zordar tamacha mara.


Ladka – kyu mara, mein to BJP ka prachar kar raha tha?


Ladki – Aur Mein Congress ka.



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LOVE is when we Drink same COCONUT Water putting 2 straws.


Friendship is when V have 1 COCONUT Water putting only 1 straw 1 by 1 and saying “BHIKARI PURA MAT PI”

Cool Jokes - Hindi Jokes

One day a man published an advertisement in the local Newspaper: "Wife wanted".


Next day he received a hundred letters.


They all said the same thing- "You can have mine."




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Always start your day with a lot of… S E X
S - SMILE
E - ENERGY
X - XCITEMENT
So make S E X a daily habit, and you will always B SUCC SEX FUL! In your LIFE.


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In a bath room,
A boy touches a girl everywhere!
You know who’s that boy?
Stupid It's Lifeboy Soap!
Dirty people always think dirty.





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Ek Pathan Bhari Bus Mein Ek Larki Se Touch ho raha tha.


Larki:- "Excuse Me! Aap Accha Nahi Kar Rahe ho."


Pathan:- Itney Bheed Mein Is Se Accha Nahi Ho Sakta hai.





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Mom:- Beta batao tumehre hath mein kitni ungliyan hain.


beta:6


Mom:- Gadha kahi ka, kitni baar mana kiya hai chaddhi mein haath daal kar mat gina kar.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Hindi SMS Jokes- Hot Sexy Jokes



Come here,
take off your pents and knickers,
get on top of me,
enjoy until u get satisfied,
loving yours…..
toilet!


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Train main wife husband se boli:- Aaj suhagrat hai kuch karo naa !


Pati bola:- Dekha nahin saamne kya likha hai? CHALTI TRAIN MAIN CHADNA MANA HAI...




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I am AMITAB, From 'KBC,


Is waqt apki Girl Friend Mere saamne baithi hai aur usko aapki help ki zarurt hai.


Agli Awaaz apki Girl Frnd ki hogi


Aah Aah, BACHAO....




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Lady 2nd floor se Kele wale ko dekh kr pochti hai ‘kela kesy dega?’


Kele wala:- mem sahab 8 me 12


Lady:- 7(sath) me 13(tera) longi. Deta hai to upar aaja..




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Ek kuwari ladki pregnant ho gai. Uske papa ne pucha ki ye baccha kiska hain.


Ladki ne kaha:- Papa chote-chote recharge daalti thi, pata nahi ye life time validity kaha se dal gayi.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Sardar Jokes- Hot Jokes

Sardar on phone:- Doctor my wife is pregnant. She is having pain right now.


Doctor:- Is this her first child?


Sardar:- No this is her husband speaking…




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Ek aadmi ne apni wife ko khat likha,"IS Mahine salary ke badle 100 kiss bhej raha hun".


WIFE ne jawab diya,'Aap ke salary ke badle 100 kiss milay,hisab bhej rahi hun.


Doodh wala 2 kiss main hee maan gaya,Teacher ko 7 deni padi ,Sabzi wala 7 main nahi mana toh 9 dene pade, Kiryanewala 9 kiss se nahi mana, usko 5 aur di, Makaan malik toh roz 6-7 ley hee jaata hai,Aap chinta mat karna, mere pass approx 35 aur hai, yeh mahina aaram se kat jayega !! 


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Ek sardar Ladies toilet Me chala gaya.?


Ek Lady boli ye Mahilaon k liye hai...


Sardar Guss Me apni pent khol k. . .


''YE B MAHILAON K LIYE HI HAI ,,






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Ek molvi khutbah dete huy: Aaj kal ki ortain itni barik kamezain pehanti hain, Itni barik shalwarain pehanti hain k unka jism saaf nazar aata hai, unki tangen nazar ati hai, unki kamr nazr aati hai, unke jism ki har jagah saaf nazar aati hain...


Peche se awaz ai Molvi sahab jumma pardho, mahol garam na karo..!






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Santa banta se yaar yah scooty kaha se laye.


Banta- ek ladki ne mujhe scooty per bitha kar jangal me le gai aur apne kapade utar ker boli jo chahe so le lo. Mein kapado ka kaya karta, scooty le aaya.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Hot Jokes - Adult Jokes


A girl phoned me
the other day and said …
“Come on over, there’s nobody home.”
I went over. Nobody was home


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Son- Aap roz papa pe chadh k jump kyu krti ho

Mom-Papa k pet ki hawa nikalne k liye

Son-Kya faida, kamwali papa k pent khol ke muh sai fir bhar deti h.


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Sexy Ladki In Sexy Voice: "Batao Na, Meri Panty Mein Kyaa Hai? 

Santa With Confidence: Elastic Hi Hogaa Ji, Aaj-Kal Naade Waali Kaun Pehntaa Hai.


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Saturday, January 22, 2011

Sexy Jokes - Hot Jokes

What Foolish Concepts Society Has ?

If A Watch Goes Bad,

They Say BAND HAI.

And

If A Girl Goes Bad,

They Say CHALU HAI !!.



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Lady 2 Wakeel: Mujhe mre pati se talaaq chahiye.
Wakeel: Magar woh to kabaddi ka Champion hai.
Lady: yehi to problem hai Kamina sirf hath laga kar bhag jata hai.



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GirL In A Party To A Man:Excues Me Sir
Kia Ap Mere FACE Se 1 Cheez Hata Sakte Hein?

Man Khush Hote Hue
Han Han Bolo Kia?
.
.
.
.
.
GirL:Kuttay Apni Nazr Hata.



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Ek Ameer ne Ghareeb se pucha SEX mehnat hai ya maza?

Ghareeb bola sahab ji Zaroor Maza he hoga,
Warna agar Mehnat hoti to aap log ye bhi humse he kerwaty.



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Shadi k 7 din baad,
Saas Dulhun say: Kya tum meri di hue nai sari pehni?

Dulhun:- Wo mujhay 7 din se shalwar nhi pahnne de rahey!
Aap ko sari ki padi hai.,.,


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Funny Jokes - Cool Jokes

The World’s Thinnest book is published with title - “WHAT A WOMAN WANTS”


IT has only one page containing only one word – “EVERYTHING”


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Veeru:- Mein apna purse ghar bhul aaya hu, mujhe 1000 Rs. Chahiye.


Jay:- Dost hi Dost ke kaam aata hai. Ye le 10 Rs. Riksha kar aur ghar se purse le aa.




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Ek Sardar gadhe pe baith k college jata tha?


3 saal baad paidal college jane laga.


Socho kyu ???


Kyu ki Gadhe ka Graduation complete ho gaya tha.




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Na mom ki Mar se,


Na Dad k Atyachar se,


Na Dosto ki Fatkar se,


Na Ladki k Inkar se,


Na Chapplo ki bochaar se,


Ladke Darte hai to sirf “RAKHI” ke tyohar se.


COMING SOON...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Cool Jokes

SANTA calls from Delhi 2 his wife in chandigarh. Servent picks phone.
SANTA- Memsab se baat kava.
Servant – Wo to sahab k saath bedroom me so rahi hai.
SANTA- Per Sahab to mein hu?
Servant – Ab mein kya kru?
SANTA- Maar do dono ko, Main aake tujhe 5 Lakh doonga.
After killing.
Servant - Lasho ka kya karu?
SANTA- Ghar ke peeche swimming pool mein phek ke bhaag jaa.
Servant - Par hamare ghar me to swimming pool hi nahi hai.
SANTA- Oh sorry, Lagta hai wrong Number lag gayaa.


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A woman was kidnapped.


The kidnapper sent a piece of her finger to her husband and demanded money.


Husband replied – I want more proof. MUINDI BHEJO MUNDI.


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If you rearrange the letters of “SIR U MADE LAKHS”.


You get – “ SURESH KALMADI”.


It’s strange but true.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Hot Jokes - Adult Jokes

Once Tarzan undressed in jungle, seeing it all animals started laughing.

Tarzan asked – why you all are laughing at me.

They replied – we have seen an animal with a TAIL in front for the first time in our life.

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Men are like Tape Recorder …………….Forward, Backward, Forward, Backward, Forward, Backward, stop Eject……

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A kiss is called-

Humanity – if it is on cheek,

Love – if it is on Lips,

Passion – if it is on Breast,

Sensuous- if it is on Naval,

SEX – if it is on V?G?NA,

And BRAVERY – if it is on A S S H O L E.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Bold Jokes - Adult Jokes

Mr. Ali had 3 sons named – Rahmat Ali, Barkat Ali & Mehboob Ali.


When 4th &5th was born then Ali’s wife decided to name them – Matkar Ali & Baskar Ali.


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Why Women not have a PENIS?


Ans: B’coz that comes together with the Brain.


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The Englishman says,” I’ve got ten children, one more and I will have a football Team”.


The American says, “I have got fourteen children, one more and I will have a rugby Team”.


The Arabian says’ “I have got seventeen wives, one more and I will have a GOLF Course”.


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Friends are like underwear –always a comfort.


Good friends are like condom – always protective.


Great friends are like Viagra – lift you up when you are down.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

CAN U BEAT THIS RESUME !!!!!!!!!!!! !

RESUME

EDUCATION /Qualification:

1950: Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Punjab University, Chandigarh ,
1952; Stood first in MA (Economics), Punjab University , Chandigarh ,
1954; Wright's Prize for distinguished performance at St John's College, Cambridge,
1955 and 1957; Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge ,
1957; DPhil ( Oxford ), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India 's export competitiveness

OCCUPATION /Teaching Experience :

Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;
Reader, Economics, 1959-63;
Professor, Economics, Punjab University , Chandigarh , 1963-65;
Professor,Internati onal Trade, Delhi School of Economics,Universit y of Delhi,1969-71 ;
Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University ,New Delhi,1976 and Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi ,1996 and Civil Servant

Working Experience/ POSITIONS :

1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade
1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance

1976-80: Director, Reserve Bank of India ;
Director, Industrial Development Bank of India;
Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, Asian Development Bank;
Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, IBRD

November 1976 - April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Department of economic affairs);
Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission; Member,finance, Space Commission

April 1980 - September 15, 1982 : Member-secretary, Planning Commission

1980-83: Chairman , India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint study committee

September 16, 1982 - January 14, 1985 : Governor, Reserve Bank of India ..

1982-85: Alternate Governor for India , Board of governors, International Monetary Fund

1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister

1985: President, Indian Economic Association

January 15, 1985 - July 31, 1987 : Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission

August 1, 1987 - November 10, 19! 90: Secretary-general and commissioner,
south commission, Geneva

December 10, 1990 - March 14, 1991 : Advisor to the Prime Minister on economic affairs

March 15, 1991 - June 20, 1991 : Chairman, UGC

June 21, 1991 - May 15, 1996 : Union finance minister

October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket

June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance

August 1, 1996 - December 4, 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standing committee on commerce

March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the O pposition, Rajya Sabha

June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance

August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules

Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member, executive committee, Indian parliamentary group

June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee

BOOKS:

India 's Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth -
Clarendon Press, Oxford University , 1964; also published a large number of articles in various economic journals.

OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Adam Smith Prize, University of Cambridge , 1956

Padma Vibhushan, 1987

Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;

Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia, 1993 and 1994

INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS:

1966: Economic Affairs Officer

1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD

1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on
International Monetary Reform

1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings

1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting

1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting

1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus 1993: Human Rights World Conference, Vienna

RECREATION :

Gymkhana Club, New Delhi; Life Member, India International Centre,
New Delhi

PERSONAL DETAIL:

Name: Dr Manmohan Singh

DOB: September 26, 1932

Place of Birth: Gah ( West Punjab )

Father: S. Gurmukh Singh

Mother: Mrs Amrit Kaur

Married on: September 14, 1958

Wife: Mrs Gursharan Kaur

Children: Three daughters

Our Prime Minister seems to be the most qualified PM all over the world.

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