Friday, June 30, 2006

Family Loop


Many, many years ago
When I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow,
Pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
With flowing hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up-daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Subjects for a date

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.

The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.

He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.

He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

A parent's terrors of life

Dear Mother and Dad,

It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down... Okay?

Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get three headaches a day.

Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.

Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking daily.

I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambtious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know you expressed tolerence will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good, too for I am told that his father is an important gunbearer in the village in Africa from which he comes.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have syphillis and there is no boyfriend in my life. However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Science, and I wanted you to see these marks in the proper perspective.

Your loving daughter,
Dorothy

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Have U ever experiened this -If not get married soooon (obviously for boys)..

Get married for a test drive!!!





















Terrible Reality



Suhagrat ko kisi ne darvaja khatkaya to dulhan bister se bhag khadi huyee aur darvaje ke peeche chup gayee.Husband ne poocha kya hua usne saham kar jawab diya, "Mujhe lagta hai raid pad gayee"

Friday, June 23, 2006

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Enjoy the PJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAHA PJ................................

Teacher to Sardar : Make a sentence in which one word is repeated twice.
Sardar : If Lara Dutta Marries Brian Lara, She will become Lara Lara,
Bolo Tararara!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Kutta se savdhan

What do you want to make


One day, a father and his son were walking in the woods on their way home when suddenly they came upon two dogs mating in the brush. "What are they doing, Dad?" asked the small child, staring intently at the scene before them.

"They, um, they're making a puppy" said the boy's father, and he grabbed his coat and moved him along quickly.

A few nights later, the little boy woke up and got up from his bed to go to the bathroom. As he walked by his parents' room, he heard strange noises coming from within. He opened the door and was surprised to see his father on top of his mother, moving in a strange way.

His father looked up and saw his son - instantly, both mother and father froze. As the boy's mother grabbed for the sheets to cover herself up, the father got up and hustled his son out of the bedroom.

"What were you doing to Mom, Dad?" asked the little boy, who still wasn't sure what he saw.

"Your mother and I were, well, we were, ah, trying to make a baby - you know, maybe a brother or sister for you" said the boy's father, now confident that this would satisfy his son's curiosity.

"Oh" said the little boy, thinking hard for a minute. "Y'know Dad, when you go back to bed with mom, turn her over, please - I'd rather have a puppy".

Name of some sardars, Enjoy!!!


1)What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer? - Justbeer Singh .

2)What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? - Justone Singh .

3)What do you call a sikh female's boyfriend? - Her-Pal Singh

4)What do you call a sardar who has only one hair ? - IK-BAL Singh

5)What do you call a sardar looking for happiness? - KHUSH-WANT Singh

6)What do you call a sardar living under-water? - Jalandhar Singh

7)What do you call a sardar living under-water and able to breath also? - Jalandhar Singh Gill .

Some other Indian Names..

1)Bengali who talks much - Chatter-jee

2)Director of ISRO satellite preparing to take off - B. Reddy

3)One who can't be steady after a drink - P. K. Girpade

Letter to Mr.Bill Gates from Banta singh



Dear Mr Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer
for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your
notice.

After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ******
appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we
face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware
vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I
request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password
is.

We are unable to enter anything after we click the shut down button.

There is a button 'start' but there is no stop button.

We request you to check this.

We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend
clicked 'run' has ran upto Amritsar!
So, we request you to change that to sit so that we can
click that by sitting.

One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only
're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

Also there is 'Find' button but it is not working properly.
My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with
this 'find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

Thanks,
Banta Singh
Punjab

A Paki, Bangladeshi and a Sardar

in a bar one night having a beer.

The Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the
air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In
Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the
same one twice."

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer,
throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to
pieces. He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the
glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."


The Sardar , cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks
it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki
and
Bangladeshi. He says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and
Bangladeshi that We don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

SHOCKING TELEGRAMS

TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing
B.Ed exams, which the father receives as :

"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
*********************

TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill
station sends a telegram to his wife :

"I wish you were here." The message received by wife:

"I wish you were her."

*************************************
TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway
station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while
her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady
next
to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady
and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave
birth to an old lady."

************************************
TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a
party.

So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him
what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says: let's put, "you are
not getting older you are getti! ng better".

The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?"

The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the
top and

"You are getting better" at the bottom.

The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the
entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You are not getting older at the top, You are getting
better at the bottom".

************************************************
TELEGRAM #5

A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her
parent's house in Delhi. When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his
servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to
Ajmer.He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she
fainted. It was written:
'sethji aaj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye ).

IT industry symptoms..

If you have been in IT industry too long these are your symptoms:

1.) U use phrases like No issues and Value addition in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your doodhwalla, U say, His milk does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues


2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.


3.) U drink more tea or coffee than water.


4.) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)


5.) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive the call.


6.) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial 0 to get an outside line.


7.) U haven t played Solitaire with real cards in years.


8.) Ur last crush was a girl in HR, ur current crush is the new girl in HR and all ur crushes in the future will be girls in HR.


9.) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.


10.) Ur important meetings usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.


11) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind you at the exam.


13.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going.


14.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U


15.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends who are also in IT.


16.)U r too busy to notice there was no line no. 12


17.)U r not sure so u scroll back check it .


18.)And now u r smiling!!!!

Hi Boss



People who do lots of work...
make lots of mistakes

People who do less work...
make less mistakes

People who do no work...
make no mistakes

People who make no mistakes...
gets promoted

That's why I spend most of my time
sending e-mails & playing games at work

B'Coz I need a promotion.

Shining - 2

A man wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"

Shining - 1

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the gays' delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Neil says to Bob. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy."

The nurse says, "He's happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his butt."

Ek phool gulab ka!

“Maangta hoon to deti nahi,
jawab meri baat ka”


“Deti hai to khada ho jata hai,
Deti hai to khada ho jata hai,
rome rome jazbat ka”



“Kehta hoon use aise na andar rakho,
yun jawab sawal ka”



“Wo kehti hai, pahle tum dikhao,
Wo kehti hai, pahle tum dikhao,
Rukh apne baat ka”



“Kal sham ko jab kar rahe the sath me,
kam apne office ka”



“Khul gaya achanak uske aankhon ke samne,
Khul gaya achanak uske aankhon ke samne,
bhed coding logic ka”



“Ishara karke kehti hai pakadane ko mujhko,
Cup garam coffee ka”



“Aur khud mera pakad leti hai..
Aur khud mera pakad leti hai..
Aur khud mera pakad leti hai..
thanda glass juice ka”



“Sochta hoon aaj bahon me pakad ke daal hi doon,
balon me fool gulab ka”



“Dalte hi gir jata hai,
Dalte hi gir jata hai,

patta patta gulab ka...”

Bacha kiska



Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.



The problem was who should get custody of the
child????



Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the
child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."



The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you
have to say in your defense?"



The husband sat for a while contemplating then
slowly rose.


"Your Honor.
If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out. Whose Pepsi is it? the machine's or mine?"



Yeh sunke...Wife replied : "Judge sahab...bartan
mera...dudh bhi mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye
2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir wo
dahi kiska..?
mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"



Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz
maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine
ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?"



Frustrated Judge: "Agar tu chithi haath se hi likh
leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."



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