Friday, March 30, 2012

Hair Dryer (joke)

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest sitting beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course, child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me...under your robe, perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you... I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, the woman let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date...unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A couple of secs.. (joke)

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's Sex?"

"OK," he thinks, "this day was bound to come, and I'm not going to let my little princess learn about sex from the streets."

So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, intercourse, puberty and menstruation.

Then she asks, "Daddy, what is 'A Couple'?"

And he carries on, "A couple is two people like your mom and me." And he goes on to describe gay, lesbianism, etc...

The father finally asks, "So why did you want to know about 'a couple' and 'Sex'?"

"Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..." the girl replies.

Moral: If you don't understand the question properly, even the well-described answers are useless.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Really neat one-liners

Really neat one-liners

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
***********

Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
***********

Diplomacy :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
***********

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
***********

Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
***********

Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
***********

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
***********

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
***********

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
***********

Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
***********

Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
***********

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
***********

Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
***********

Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
***********

Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
***********

Father:
A banker provided by nature.
***********

Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.
***********

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
***********

Thursday, March 01, 2012

Leave Letter - Funny

ENJOY:Leave Letter - Funny 

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people knowing thodi bahut angreji. English is a funny language.




1. A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

2. A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post."
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

3. I.T.I., Lahore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

5. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

6. An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

8. A covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

9. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

10. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave".
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

11. Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
------------ ------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was

Performing his daughter's wedding: -

"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.

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