Friday, July 28, 2006

Busy Schedule


Busy Schedule

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Young Executive

A young executive was working late one night trying to impress his new boss. He
stepped out of the office for a minute to get some coffee when he saw his boss
standing at the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know
how to work this darn thing?" the boss bellowed.

The young man ran over and took the paper out of his hand. "Oh yes sir,"
he said, "it?s quite simple." He then fed the piece of paper into
the shredder.


"Thank you, son," the boss said. "A couple of copies will be
fine."

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Smile:)

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India... Read and enjoy...!!!!!!!!!!



1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave

as follows :

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along

with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2.This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who

was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year

old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for

two days.."


3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an

employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:

"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's

leave.."


4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one

responsible for it,please grant me 10 days leave."


5. Another employee applied for half day leave as

follows:

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10

o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day

casual leave"


6. An incident of a leave letter

"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day

holiday."


7. A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from

headache. I request you to leave me today"


8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for

the day."


9. Covering note:

"I am enclosed herewith..."


10. Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer

to my below..."


11. Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her

only husband at home I may be granted leave".


12. Letter writing: -

"I am in well here and hope you are also in the well."


13.A candidate's job application:

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for

a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I

am both(!! )for the past several years and I can

handle both with good experience, I am applying for

the post.

Blonde in Las Vegas

In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.


She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.


Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.


The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?"

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Jokes - by free Bee

THE LAWYER'S FUNERAL
A man is at his laywer's funeral and is suprised by the turnout for this one
man. He turns to the people around him. ?Why are you all at this man's funeral?,?
he asks. A man turns towards him and says, ?We're all clients, just like you.?
?And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching.? ?No, we came to make sure
he was dead.?

CHANGE OF RELIGION

Moe: My wife converted my religion. Joe: Really? How'd she do that? Moe: Yes.
Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.


WAIT SIR

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard
told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "185lbs" and
moved on...


COW ON THE TRACKS

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A
passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?"
she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor
after a few seconds. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within
five minutes, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walking outside
again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch
up with the cow again?????"



NO PARKING

Ramesh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge
asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put
up such misleading notices,"said Ramesh, " It said , FINE FOR PARKING
HERE."





EMERGENCY

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up the clerk on the
ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent the boss told
the clerk it was an emergency and that he should hurry with the file. After
more than 30 minutes the clerk appears all tired and panting for breath. The
Boss asks him why he was panting and what caused the huge delay. The clerk replies,
"Sir, when I went to the elevator it said during an emergency please use
the staircase!!!!!!!!!!"


PLURAL of THINK

Once Banta Singh and Santa Singh gave an English exam. Banta: How was your exam?
Santa: I only made one mistake. Banta: Great, What was the mistake? Santa: They
asked me what the plural of think is and I thank, thank and thank and I wrote
thunk!!!




THE TEAM

Once upon a time a Pappu was exercising in the park. He saw two people were
working. One was digging the ground and the other was filling up the hole. Pappu
was very confused by watching this, he went to the men & asked, "What
are you doing?" One of them replied, "We have a team of three pepole,
one of us digs the ground, the other pushes plants into the hole and third one
fills-up the hole. The guy who fixes the plants is abesnt.. but why should we
stop our work?"


SHAADI SE PEHLE

A lion held a huge party at his place, he invited only his fellow lions.The
lions were dancing when a mouse also came and joined in. The lion asked the
mouse why he entered the party when the other species were not invited. The
mouse said "Shaadi se pehle main bhi sher tha!!!!!!!!!!!"


DAUGHTER'S PRAYER

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to
her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing???"
"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly. "Just
say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said. Her daughter took
a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell
did I invite all these people to dinner!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Wonderful Dreams

Banta: Yaar Santa, last night I had a wonderful dream, I saw I was getting married.
Santa: Last night I also had a wonderful dream. I saw I was getting divorced.


GREAT WRITER

"There was once a young man, in his youth, his desire was to become a great
writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that
the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages......




A RIDE TO HEAVEN

A priest walks into a crowded pub, and said to the first man he meets, "Do
you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "Oh yes I do..." The
priest said, 'Then leave this pub right now!" And he approached a second
man. "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly!" was the
man's reply. "Then leave this den of evil,' said the priest, as he walked
up to Santa Singh. 'Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't!"
Santa replied. The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, 'You mean to
tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?' Santa Singh smiled,
"Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go
right now."


Marna Mitna

Sant Singh, pointing towards the prisoner says to Robert: "Rabart isko
duster se mar dalo, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit bhi jayega".


BAD GENES

Seeing the poor report card of the child, the father asked, "What is the
reason for such poor performance?" Child replied coolly, "It can only
be bad genes, Dad."


BORN IN PUNJAB

Sardar: I was born in the Punjab. Friend: Oh really, what part? Sardar: All
of me, you are so dum.




Bed Time

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed,
''Dad!!!! Can you get me a glass of water!!??!!'' ''No. You had your chance.''
A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'' ''No.
You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.'' ''Dad!
When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?''


 

Friday, July 07, 2006

Sardar Special

Sardar: Why are all these people running? Man: This is a race, the winner will
get the cup. Sardar: If only the winner will get the cup, why others are running?


Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin. Again had twins & named Peter
& Repeater. Again twins & named Max & Climax. Again the same. Disgusted Sardar
named them TIRED & RETIRED!


19 sardars went for a film.On asking them why they came in a big group of19,
they replied that the film is only for above 18+..


A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body s face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all relatives beat him. Why? He said SMILE PLEASE


Teacher: I killed a person convert this sentence into future tense. Sardar:
The future tense is you will go to jail .


Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch
regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardar: I ve been promoted as branch
manager. Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him Today s dinner should be light .


Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what
to be filled in column Salary Expected . After much thought he wrote : Yes!
Sardar and his family went for a party. He introduces himself - I m sardar,she
sardarnee, the boy my kid & the girl my kidney....


One sardarji Professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...


Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It s alreadyraining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.


Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor. At
50th floor he remembers I don t have a daughter! At 25th floor: I m unmarried!
At 10th floor: I m Banta not Santa


On a romantic date Sardar s girl friend asks him Darling on our engangement
will you give me a ring? He said Ya, sure what s your phone number?


A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing. A bystander: why are
u laughing? Sardar: I have an Airtel phone but still Hutch network is following
me.


Sardar wins 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 crore after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: Give me 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs back.!
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!


Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet. Sardar:- why
did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....


What does a sardar do after taking a xerox? He will compare it with the original
for any spelling mistakes.


Sardar proposed a girl......Girl said: I m 1 yr elder to you . Sardar said:
Oye, no problem Soniye, I ll marry you next year.


Why can t sardars dial nine-eleven (911) at emergency? Becoz, they can t find
the eleven on the phone.


Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop. Sardar says: Drink quickly. Wife
asks: why?? Sardar says: hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10.


A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce. Judge asked: How ll you
divide, you ve 3 children? Sardar replied: Ok! We ll apply next year.


Sardar s wish: when i die, i wanna to die like my grandpa who died peacefuly
in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving....


Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you
call modern art ? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


Sardar was writing something very slowly.Friend asked: Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: I m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can t read very fast.


Flash news: A two seater plane crashed in a Graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars
have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..


A man asked Sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the
morning. Sardarji replied Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM .


Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says Chin Yu Yan and dies.
Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words. It is you re standing
on the oxygen tube!!


Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. His wife
asked: what you are doing? He said: i m seeing how i look while sleeping.


A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always
started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so? It z doubly
interesting , said the Sardar. to start from the middle keeps one curious not
only about its conclusion but also about its beginning.

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