Cool Jokes

SANTA calls from Delhi 2 his wife in chandigarh. Servent picks phone.
SANTA- Memsab se baat kava.
Servant – Wo to sahab k saath bedroom me so rahi hai.
SANTA- Per Sahab to mein hu?
Servant – Ab mein kya kru?
SANTA- Maar do dono ko, Main aake tujhe 5 Lakh doonga.
After killing.
Servant - Lasho ka kya karu?
SANTA- Ghar ke peeche swimming pool mein phek ke bhaag jaa.
Servant - Par hamare ghar me to swimming pool hi nahi hai.
SANTA- Oh sorry, Lagta hai wrong Number lag gayaa.


*****************************************


A woman was kidnapped.


The kidnapper sent a piece of her finger to her husband and demanded money.


Husband replied – I want more proof. MUINDI BHEJO MUNDI.


*****************************************

If you rearrange the letters of “SIR U MADE LAKHS”.


You get – “ SURESH KALMADI”.


It’s strange but true.

Hot Jokes - Adult Jokes

Once Tarzan undressed in jungle, seeing it all animals started laughing.

Tarzan asked – why you all are laughing at me.

They replied – we have seen an animal with a TAIL in front for the first time in our life.

*************************************

Men are like Tape Recorder …………….Forward, Backward, Forward, Backward, Forward, Backward, stop Eject……

*************************************

A kiss is called-

Humanity – if it is on cheek,

Love – if it is on Lips,

Passion – if it is on Breast,

Sensuous- if it is on Naval,

SEX – if it is on V?G?NA,

And BRAVERY – if it is on A S S H O L E.

Bold Jokes - Adult Jokes

Mr. Ali had 3 sons named – Rahmat Ali, Barkat Ali & Mehboob Ali.


When 4th &5th was born then Ali’s wife decided to name them – Matkar Ali & Baskar Ali.


*******************************************




Why Women not have a PENIS?


Ans: B’coz that comes together with the Brain.


*******************************************


The Englishman says,” I’ve got ten children, one more and I will have a football Team”.


The American says, “I have got fourteen children, one more and I will have a rugby Team”.


The Arabian says’ “I have got seventeen wives, one more and I will have a GOLF Course”.


*******************************************


Friends are like underwear –always a comfort.


Good friends are like condom – always protective.


Great friends are like Viagra – lift you up when you are down.

CAN U BEAT THIS RESUME !!!!!!!!!!!! !

RESUME

EDUCATION /Qualification:

1950: Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Punjab University, Chandigarh ,
1952; Stood first in MA (Economics), Punjab University , Chandigarh ,
1954; Wright's Prize for distinguished performance at St John's College, Cambridge,
1955 and 1957; Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge ,
1957; DPhil ( Oxford ), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India 's export competitiveness

OCCUPATION /Teaching Experience :

Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;
Reader, Economics, 1959-63;
Professor, Economics, Punjab University , Chandigarh , 1963-65;
Professor,Internati onal Trade, Delhi School of Economics,Universit y of Delhi,1969-71 ;
Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University ,New Delhi,1976 and Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi ,1996 and Civil Servant

Working Experience/ POSITIONS :

1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade
1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance

1976-80: Director, Reserve Bank of India ;
Director, Industrial Development Bank of India;
Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, Asian Development Bank;
Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, IBRD

November 1976 - April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Department of economic affairs);
Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission; Member,finance, Space Commission

April 1980 - September 15, 1982 : Member-secretary, Planning Commission

1980-83: Chairman , India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint study committee

September 16, 1982 - January 14, 1985 : Governor, Reserve Bank of India ..

1982-85: Alternate Governor for India , Board of governors, International Monetary Fund

1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister

1985: President, Indian Economic Association

January 15, 1985 - July 31, 1987 : Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission

August 1, 1987 - November 10, 19! 90: Secretary-general and commissioner,
south commission, Geneva

December 10, 1990 - March 14, 1991 : Advisor to the Prime Minister on economic affairs

March 15, 1991 - June 20, 1991 : Chairman, UGC

June 21, 1991 - May 15, 1996 : Union finance minister

October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket

June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance

August 1, 1996 - December 4, 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standing committee on commerce

March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the O pposition, Rajya Sabha

June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance

August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules

Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member, executive committee, Indian parliamentary group

June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee

BOOKS:

India 's Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth -
Clarendon Press, Oxford University , 1964; also published a large number of articles in various economic journals.

OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Adam Smith Prize, University of Cambridge , 1956

Padma Vibhushan, 1987

Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;

Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia, 1993 and 1994

INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS:

1966: Economic Affairs Officer

1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD

1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on
International Monetary Reform

1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings

1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting

1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting

1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus 1993: Human Rights World Conference, Vienna

RECREATION :

Gymkhana Club, New Delhi; Life Member, India International Centre,
New Delhi

PERSONAL DETAIL:

Name: Dr Manmohan Singh

DOB: September 26, 1932

Place of Birth: Gah ( West Punjab )

Father: S. Gurmukh Singh

Mother: Mrs Amrit Kaur

Married on: September 14, 1958

Wife: Mrs Gursharan Kaur

Children: Three daughters

Our Prime Minister seems to be the most qualified PM all over the world.