Shining - 2

A man wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"

Shining - 1

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the gays' delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Neil says to Bob. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy."

The nurse says, "He's happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his butt."

Ek phool gulab ka!

“Maangta hoon to deti nahi,
jawab meri baat ka”


“Deti hai to khada ho jata hai,
Deti hai to khada ho jata hai,
rome rome jazbat ka”



“Kehta hoon use aise na andar rakho,
yun jawab sawal ka”



“Wo kehti hai, pahle tum dikhao,
Wo kehti hai, pahle tum dikhao,
Rukh apne baat ka”



“Kal sham ko jab kar rahe the sath me,
kam apne office ka”



“Khul gaya achanak uske aankhon ke samne,
Khul gaya achanak uske aankhon ke samne,
bhed coding logic ka”



“Ishara karke kehti hai pakadane ko mujhko,
Cup garam coffee ka”



“Aur khud mera pakad leti hai..
Aur khud mera pakad leti hai..
Aur khud mera pakad leti hai..
thanda glass juice ka”



“Sochta hoon aaj bahon me pakad ke daal hi doon,
balon me fool gulab ka”



“Dalte hi gir jata hai,
Dalte hi gir jata hai,

patta patta gulab ka...”

Bacha kiska

Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.

The problem was who should get custody of the
child????

Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the
child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."

The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you
have to say in your defense?"



The husband sat for a while contemplating then
slowly rose.


"Your Honor.
If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out. Whose Pepsi is it? the machine's or mine?"



Yeh sunke...Wife replied : "Judge sahab...bartan
mera...dudh bhi mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye
2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir wo
dahi kiska..?
mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"



Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine
ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?"



Frustrated Judge: "Agar tu chithi haath se hi likh
leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."