Jokes - by free Bee

THE LAWYER'S FUNERAL
A man is at his laywer's funeral and is suprised by the turnout for this one
man. He turns to the people around him. ?Why are you all at this man's funeral?,?
he asks. A man turns towards him and says, ?We're all clients, just like you.?
?And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching.? ?No, we came to make sure
he was dead.?

CHANGE OF RELIGION

Moe: My wife converted my religion. Joe: Really? How'd she do that? Moe: Yes.
Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.

WAIT SIR

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard
told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "185lbs" and
moved on...

COW ON THE TRACKS

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A
passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?"
she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor
after a few seconds. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within
five minutes, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walking outside
again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch
up with the cow again?????"

NO PARKING

Ramesh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge
asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put
up such misleading notices,"said Ramesh, " It said , FINE FOR PARKING
HERE."

EMERGENCY

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up the clerk on the
ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent the boss told
the clerk it was an emergency and that he should hurry with the file. After
more than 30 minutes the clerk appears all tired and panting for breath. The
Boss asks him why he was panting and what caused the huge delay. The clerk replies,
"Sir, when I went to the elevator it said during an emergency please use
the staircase!!!!!!!!!!"

PLURAL of THINK

Once Banta Singh and Santa Singh gave an English exam. Banta: How was your exam?
Santa: I only made one mistake. Banta: Great, What was the mistake? Santa: They
asked me what the plural of think is and I thank, thank and thank and I wrote
thunk!!!

THE TEAM

Once upon a time a Pappu was exercising in the park. He saw two people were
working. One was digging the ground and the other was filling up the hole. Pappu
was very confused by watching this, he went to the men & asked, "What
are you doing?" One of them replied, "We have a team of three pepole,
one of us digs the ground, the other pushes plants into the hole and third one
fills-up the hole. The guy who fixes the plants is abesnt.. but why should we
stop our work?"

SHAADI SE PEHLE

A lion held a huge party at his place, he invited only his fellow lions.The
lions were dancing when a mouse also came and joined in. The lion asked the
mouse why he entered the party when the other species were not invited. The
mouse said "Shaadi se pehle main bhi sher tha!!!!!!!!!!!"

DAUGHTER'S PRAYER

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to
her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing???"
"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly. "Just
say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said. Her daughter took
a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell
did I invite all these people to dinner!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wonderful Dreams

Banta: Yaar Santa, last night I had a wonderful dream, I saw I was getting married.
Santa: Last night I also had a wonderful dream. I saw I was getting divorced.

GREAT WRITER

"There was once a young man, in his youth, his desire was to become a great
writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that
the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages......

A RIDE TO HEAVEN

A priest walks into a crowded pub, and said to the first man he meets, "Do
you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "Oh yes I do..." The
priest said, 'Then leave this pub right now!" And he approached a second
man. "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly!" was the
man's reply. "Then leave this den of evil,' said the priest, as he walked
up to Santa Singh. 'Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't!"
Santa replied. The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, 'You mean to
tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?' Santa Singh smiled,
"Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go
right now."

Marna Mitna

Sant Singh, pointing towards the prisoner says to Robert: "Rabart isko
duster se mar dalo, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit bhi jayega".

BAD GENES

Seeing the poor report card of the child, the father asked, "What is the
reason for such poor performance?" Child replied coolly, "It can only
be bad genes, Dad."

BORN IN PUNJAB

Sardar: I was born in the Punjab. Friend: Oh really, what part? Sardar: All
of me, you are so dum.

Bed Time

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed,
''Dad!!!! Can you get me a glass of water!!??!!'' ''No. You had your chance.''
A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'' ''No.
You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.'' ''Dad!
When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?''