EK ENGINEER KA DARD

EK ENGINEER KA DARD

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO AKSAR PHASTA HAI
INTERVIEWS KE SAWAAL MAE
BADI COMPANIYON KI CHAAL MAE
BOSS AUR CLIENT KE BAWAAL MAE

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO PAK GAYA HAI
MEETINGS KI JHELAI MAE
SUBMISSIONS KI GEHRAI MAE
TEAMWORK KI CHATAI MAE

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO LAGA RAHTA HAI
SCHEDULE KO FAILANE MAE
TARGETS KO KHISKAANE MAE
ROZ NAYE-NAYE BAHANE MAE

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO
LUNCH TIME MAE BREAKFAST KARTA HAI
DINNER TIME MAE LUNCH KARTA HAI
COMMUTATION KE WAQT SOYA KARTA HAI

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO PAGAL HAI
CHAI AUR SAMOSE KE PYAR MAE
CIGERATTE KE KHUMAR MAE
BIRDWATCHING KE VICHAR MAE

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO KHOYA HAI
REMINDERS KE JAWAAB MAE
NA MILNE WALE HISAAB MAE
BEHTAR BHAVISHYA KE KHWAAB MAE

ENGINEER WOH HAI JISE INTEZAAR HAI
WEEKEND NIGHT MANANE KA
BOSS KE CHHUTTI PAR JAANE KA
INCREMENT KI KHABAR AANE KA

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO SOCHTA HAI
KAASH PADHAI PE DHYAAN DIYA HOTA
KAASH TEACHER SE PANGA NA LIYA HOTA
KAASH ISHQ NA KIYA HOTA
ENGINEER WOH HAI......

E-mail ID's of cricketers--------funny........ Tooooooooo Good.. * *

1. LAXMAN:

available@home- only.com

2.GANGULY:

nowdays@no_use. com

3.KUMBLE:

only@test_match. com

4.SACHIN:

admitted@hospital. com

5.KAIF:

good@for_nothing. com

6.SEHWAG:

consistently@ out_of_form. com

7.DRAVID:

stick@crease_ like_fevicol. com

8.PATHAN:

takewickets@ only_with_ kenya.com

9. GREG CHAPPELL

only_experiment@ noresult. com

10. Munaf Patel

only_line&length@nospeed. com

11.Harbhajan Singh

no_spinpitch@ nowicket. com

12. Suresh Raina

why_i_am_there@ god_knows. com

Does your name begin with ...

Does your name begin with: A

U are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action.You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get.You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. You often don't get hints & you ever pass any. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is! intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important for you. You tend to be very Practical, & not very emotional Your choices are very good & can only lead to trouble. You are very self satisfied & egoistic.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: B

You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an ______expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your ______expression of endearments, and particular when it comes to love. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite & feelings. You require new sensations and
experiences. You are willing to experiment.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: C

You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sensual, Needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to hold out on affection until you receive this.. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: D

Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full Steam ahead in your suit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement's, sometimes possessive and jealous. You are very sharp & talented often with sense of humour. When people bother to look deep inside they cannot resist what they see. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude. You get jealous of other people and lose your temper .

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: E

Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while-it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. You will fall asleep with a good book. sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book to
a lover)

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: F

You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are a born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are a favourite fantasy past time. You can be a very generous lover.

___________________________________________________________

Does your name begin with: G

You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is yourintellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active-never tiring out. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to people. ___________________________________________________________

Does your name begin with: H

You seek a mate who can enhance your zest for life ,fun & everything You seek for. You will be very generous to your lover once you have Attained a commitment. You are very affectionate & very strong. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be very careful with your every move and equally cautious in your involvement's often as you believe that you have to look out for yourself. You are a sensual and patient lover. You will hold off till everything meets your full approval. Yo! u are a perfectionist, hard to satisfy and strong in your beliefs. Not influential, you always stand your ground. People can always count on you to stand by them in a crisis. You are a dreamer with/ a passion for life.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: I

You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... even worshiped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You like necking spend hours just touching feeling & exploring. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of ______expression. You bore easily and thus require adventure and change. Your commitments don't last very long & you often tend to stray. Loyalty is not one of! your strong points. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: J

You are blessed with a great deal of physical energy. When used for a good cause there is nothing to stop you, except maybe that they aren't always used for the good. (you could dance all night.) You respond to the thrill of the chase and the challenge of the mating game.You can carry on great romances in your head. At heart you are a roamer and need to set out on your own every so often. You will carry on long- distance relationships with ease. You are idealistic and need to believe in love. You have a need to be nurtured deep within.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: K

You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind-natured & sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: L

You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your ______expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. "You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated ".

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: M

You may appear innocent, unassuming and shy; but we know that Appearances can lie. When it comes to sex, you are no novice but something of a skilled technician. You can easily go to extremes, though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom with the whole idea of love. You can be highly critical of you mate, seeking perfection in both of you. It is not easy to find someone who can meet your standards. You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to lovers. You are often selfish, thinking you are always right no matter what. You never give in. Winning is your prime desire- at any cost. You often forget friends and family and you live for the moment.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: N

You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you Throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all-consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You also enjoy mothering your mate. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: O

You are very interested in fun activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your energy into making money and/or seeking we. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate lover, requiring the same qualities From your mate. Love is serious business; thus you demand intensity, diversity and is willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: P

You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of Doing anything that might harm your image or Reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy...a good fight stimulates those vibes. You are relatively free of hang- ups.You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things.You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: Q

You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people because of their ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and conversation to turn you on and keep you going.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: R

You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal-the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is not very important to you. You have to be proved to be worthy for a partner. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: S

For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and is capable of much sensuality. But you never loose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue. You could get jealous and possessive. You tend to be very selfish often regarding yourself as the only human being on the planet.. You like being the centre of attention. You are very caring sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. Turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the rightperson to come along. You are very generous &am! p; giving, often selfless. You are kind nature & sweet which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: T

You are very sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. You like someone who takes the lead. You get turned on by music, soft lights & romantic thoughts. You fantasize & tend to fall in & out of love soon. When in love you are romantic, idealistic, mushy & extremely. You enjoy having your senses & your feelings stimulated, titillated & teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, all in your own head. Once you put your mind to something you manage to stand by it and see your dreams through. You aren't very good at expressing your feelings. You like things your own way. You do not like change, you like to hold on to things. This may not always be good because if given an opportunity things may develop into great thing! s. You work your way to the top. Attention must be given to what others say because even though you don't want to hear it their advice may turn out to save your life. !

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: U

You are enthusiastic & at your happiest when in love. When not in love you're in love with love and always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as challenge. You are a roamer & needs adventure, excitement freedom. You enjoy giving gifts & looking good. You are willing to put others feelings above yours.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: V

You are individualistic & you need freedom, space & excitement. You wait till you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching her/him out. You feel a need to get into his/her head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. You believe that age is no barrier. You are good at responding to danger, fear & suspense.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: W

You are very proud, determined & refuses to take no for an answer when it come to love. Your ego is at stake all the time. You are romantic, idealistic, often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner for who she or he really is. You feel deeply about love & tends to throw all of your self into a relationship. Nothing is too good for your lover. You like playing love games.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: X

You need constant stimulation because you get bored quickly. You can handle more than 1 relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: Y

You are sensual & very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships which doesn't work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation. However if you can make money you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: Z

You are very romantic but show feels that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate & attracting people who have unusual trouble. You see yourself as a lover's saviour.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar STRIKES again.....Enjoy

Sardarji selected a short girl to marry... Why?

Because someone told him the that the trouble should be as

less as possible.

******************************************

Sardarji tied a dog upside down ,ie, by his tail to a tree

branch and was praying religiously below it.....why?

B'cos DOG ko ulta karo to GOD hota hai!

******************************************

A sardar had always been worried that why he has one brother

while his sister has two?????

******************************************

A sardar selling parachute, jump from plane n press button & you

can land safely.

CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????

SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......

******************************************

A sardar is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What

does he think??

--"HAT, Aj phir girna padega!!"

Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana

peels. What does he think????????

--"Ispe giru, ya uspe????"

Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the

road. So he calls home and tells his wife..

--"Aj ghar late aaoonga!!"

******************************************

Bush: Impossible does not come in my dictionary...

Sardar: Phir dictionary dhek ke kharidni chahiye thi na

******************************************

ekbar light gai hui thi..

SANTA : arre Banta bahuat garmi ho rahi hai, zara pankha

lagana..

BANTA : kardi na sardaronwali baat!! pankha lagaya to

moombatti bujh na jayegi??

******************************************

Customer: Is mirror ki guarantee kya hai?

Sardar : It is 99% safe.! 100 feet se fenkoge to 99 feet tak

kuchh nahi hoga"!.

Enjoy with Sher's

Osama

Osama to Big B: How are you??

Big B: Bas Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. And you?

Osama: Bas Kabhi Gola Kabhi Bum.

---

Be careful when a girl tells u that she loves u from the bottom of her heart
for this may mean that there is still enough space for another boy on top.

---

Boy to a girl: Do you know what a kiss is?

Girl: It is just like an enquiry on the upper floor about the vacancy
on the ground floor.

---

Chahat

Na chahat hay sitaroon ki,

Na tamanah hai nazaroon ki,

Bus ap jaisa ek dost mil jaye,

Jo mat mar de saroon ki.

---

Yaad

Tum dor sahi,

Majbor sahi,

Par yaad tumhari ati hai,

Tum saans wahan laitay ho BU(smell)

Yahan tak ati hai :

---

GALATFAHMI

AANKHON MAIN RAHA DIL MAIN UTER KAR NAHI DAIKIHA

KASHTI KAY MUSAFIR NAY SAMANDER NAHI DAIKHA

PATHER HE SAMJHTA RAHA MAIRA CHAHNT WALA

MAIN MOOM HOON US NAY MUJHY CHOO KAY NAHI DAIKHA

---

FANNA

E Khuda Aaj Ye Faisla Karde,

Use Mera ya Mujhe Uska Karde.

Bahut Dukh Sahe He Maine,

Koi Khusi Ab Toh Muqadar Karde.

Bahot Mushkil Lagta Hai Usse Duur Rehna,

Judai Ke Safar Ko Kum Karde.

Jitna Duur Chale Gaye Woh Mujhse,

Use Utna Kareeb Karde.

Nahi Likha Agar Nasib Me Uska Naam,

To Khatam Kar Ye Zindagi aur Mujhe FANAA

---

Roshni

tere dosti ke roshni bari teez hai

har taraf ujala he ujala nazar ata hai

soochta hoon dokaan say bajli kata doon

kambaht bil bahut aata hai

---

Style

kamal tere nakhray

kamal tera style

mooon doonay ke tameez nahain

aur haath main mobile

---

Umeed

Mayoos mat hona yeh aik gunnah hota hai

Milta wahi hai jo qismat main likha hota hai

Har cheez miley humain yeh zaroori tou nahi

Kuch cheezon ka zikar doosre jahan main hota hai

Jo khud ko kostey hain woh shayed bekhabar hain

Kuch paalene ka ikhtiyar khud pe bhi hota hai

Har aik ko barsar-e-ilzam kiun thehrayein hum

Apne samne bhi tou aik ayeena hota hai

Hum apni zindagi se kiun haar jayein

Gar doobta hai sooraj tou kal bhi ujala hota ha

---

TO KIYA HUWA

Aankhon se Tootte hai sitaare to kya huwa

Chalte nahi wo saath hamare to kya huwa

Toofaan ki zad mein azm mere saath saath tha

Kashti ko mil sake na kanare to kya huwa

Tanhayion ne mujh ko gale se laga liya

Wo ban sake na Dilse hamare to kya huwa

Sau hausle hamare qadam choomte rahe

Kuchh be sukoon raat guzare to kya huwa

Manzil bhi, kaarwan bhi, musafir bhi khud raha

Saathi bane na Hamare chaand sitaare tho kya huwa....?

---

Tujhe Yaad Karta Hoon..

Aanken band kar bhi, hum tera deedar karte hain,

Aye sanam, hum to sirf tum se pyar karte hain.

Lakh chaah kar bhi main tujhe bhula nahi sakta,

Saans rahte, teri tasvir aankhon se hataa nahi sakta.

Aakhiri pal tak o bewafaa, tujehe yaad karta hoon,

Teri yaadon ko seene mein basaa kar chalta hoon.

---

..Sikha Diya

Bhari mehfil meiN tanha mujhe rehna sikha diya

Tere pyar ne duniya ko jhoothha kehna sikha diya

Kisi dard ya khushi ka ehsaas nahin hai ab to

Sab kucch zindagi meiN chup-chaap sehna sikha diya

---

Muskurane ki ada

Mat Muskurao itna

ke phoolon ko khabar lag jaye,

Ke kare woh tumhari tareef,

Aur tumhe nazar lag jaye.

---

Great peoples

Short minds discuss people

Average minds discuss events

Good minds discuss ideas

Greatest minds act in sielence

---

Aansoo

Jab yad aati hai hum muskra letay hain

Kuch pal k lia har gham bhula detaye hain

Kaisy bheeg sakti hain aap ki palkain

Aap k hisay k ansu hum bahaa letay hain

---

Stages in the life of Ladies

A lady is like

At 18 a football, 22 men behind her.

At 28 a basketball, 10 men behind her.

At 38 a golf ball, 1 man behind her.

At 48 a TT ball, 1 man pushing her to the other.

---

Permission

Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?

Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.

---

a lovely love story

thr waz a blind girl who hate herself coz of being blind.she hate every1 axcept
her bf.one day de girl said dat if she can only see the world she will marry
her bf,one day some 1 donated eyez 2 her n then she saw everything including
jer bf.her bf asked herNow dat u can see,will u marry me???de girl waz shocked
when she saw her bf waz also blind n she refuse 2 marry him.

her bf walk away wid tearz n saidjust take care of mah eyez dear.........

---

 

 

WHAT IS FRIENDSHIP

FRIENDSHIP IS A PRICELESS GIFT



THAT CANNOT BE BOUGHT OR SOLD

BUT ITS VALUE IS FAR GREATER



THAN THE MOUNTAIN MADE OF GOLD

 

FOR GOLD IS COLD & LIFELESS



IT CAN NEITHER SEE NOR HEAR

 

& IN THE TIME OF TROUBLE

IT IS POWER
LESS 2 CHEER--

 

IT HAS NO EARS 2 LISTEN



NOR HEART 2 UNDERSTAND

 

IT CANNOT BRING U COMFORT



OR REACH OUT A HELPING HAND

 

SO WHEN U ASK



GOD FOR A GIFT



BE THANKFUL IF HE SENDS

 

NOT DIAMONDS, PEARLS OR RICHES



BUT THE LOVE OF REAL TRUE FRIENDS

Shair-o-shairiz

pather bana dia mujhy
rony nahi diya

Pathar Bana Dia Mujahy Rone Nahi Diya

Damaan Bhi Tere Gham Ne Bighone Nahi Dia

Tanhaiyan Tumhara Pata Poochti Rahain

Shaab Bhar Tumhari yaad Ne Sone Nahi Dia

Ankhon Mein Akar Beth Gai Annsoon Ki Lehar

Palkon PeKoi Khoawab Perone Nahi Dia

Dil Ko Tumhare Naam Ke Ansoo Aziz Thay

duniya Ka Dard Dil Mein Samone Nahi Diya

Nasir Yoon Uski Yaad Chali Haath Thaam Ke
Mele Mein Is Jahan Ke khone Nahi diya

Tumhe Ishq Ho Khuda Kare

Tumhe Ishq Ho Khuda Kare

Koi Tumko Us Se Juda Kare

 

Tere Hont Hansa Bhool Jain

Teri Annkh Mein Nami Raha Kare

 

Tujhay Hijar Ki Woh Jhari Lage

Tu Milan Ki Har Pal Dua Kare

 

Tere Khoawab Bikhrein Gali Gali

Tu Bhi Kirchi Kirchi Chuna Kare

 

Tujhay Ishq Par Phir Yaqeen Ho

Isse Tasbiyon Mein Parha Kare

 

Mein Kahoon Ishq To Dhong Hai
Aur Tu Nahi Nahi Kaha Kare.

Mujko tu apna bana ya na bana teri khushi,

Mujko tu apna bana ya na bana teri khushi,

Tu zamanay mein meray naam say badnaam to hai !

Tu kahin bhi rahey sar pay teray ilzaam to hai,

Teray hathon ki lakiron mein mera naam to hai !

Meray hissay mein koi jaam na aaayaa na sahi,

Teri mehfil mein meray naam koi shaam to hai !

Dekh kar log mujhay naam tera letay hain,

Is pay main khush hoon mohabbat ka yeh anjaam to hai !

Woh sitamghar hi sahi dekh kay usko `Sabir',

Shukar is dil-e-bimaar ko aaraam to hai !

Tu kahin bhi rahey sar pay teray ilzaam to hai,

Teray hathon ki lakiron mein mera naam to hai !

Chaha tu bohut tha lekin wo mila hi
nahi,

Chaha tu bohut tha lekin wo mila hi nahi,

Laakh koshish ki mager yeh fasla mita hi nahi,

Na jany zamany ny mujboor is qader ker diya,

Ky wo meri kisi sada pay thera hi nahi,

Mien tamam ter koshishoo ky bawajoud har gaai,

Wo usay mil gaya jis ny is ko manga hi nahi,

Her ik say poucha tery na milny ka sabub,

Her ik ny kaha wo tery liye bana hi nahi,

Itni shiddut say chaha tha us ko,

Is duniya may shayed wafa ka sila hi nahi

kia hoa jo tumhara sath nahi

Kia hoa jo tumhara sath nahi
Mere hatoon mei tumhara hath nahi

Mere liye tumhari yaadein hi kafi hain
Muhabbat mei zarori mulaqat nahi

Mei sari umer tarsa hon chahat kay liye
Mere naseeb mei shayad yei soghat nahi

Iss andaaz se bikher ker phir simat na saka
Mujhey samaitne wala hi koi haath nahi

Jis ki dosti peh naz thaa, wo dost bhi gaya
Kis qarb se kaha SAHIL ne koi baat nahi

Sukun mil gaya aaj muje badnaam ho kar"

Sukun mil gaya aaj muje badnaam ho kar
tere har ek ilzaam pay yuN bezabaan ho kar

kya hua gar bulaya muje beizzat karne ke liye
khush hu main teri mehfil me mehman ho kar

log parh hi lenge mohabbat teri aankhoon me
chahe karle lakh inkar tu anjaan ho kar

ilzaam muj par lagakar khud roye ja raha hai
kya payega mera hamdard shar e aam ho kar

mil to gaya suboot muje teri mohabbat ka
ab afsos nahi tere ishq me nakam ho kar

YEH ZINDAGI

Yeh zindagi bari ajeeb si

Kabhi gulzar si kabhi bezar si

Kabhi khushi hamaray sath sath

Kabhi gammon ki barsat si

Yeh zindagi bari ajeeb si

 

 

Kabhi tofanon main bhi hain rastay

Kabhi manzilon ka pata nahi

Kabhi do kadam pay zindagi

Kabhi saddeuon tak intizar si

Yeh zindagi bari ajeeb si

 

 

Kabhi her pal emtihan hai

Kabhi bin mangay enam hai

Kabhi kuch nahi

Kabhi sab kuch si

Yeh zindagi bari ajeeb si

Kabhi gulzar si kabhi bezar si

KYA KARE....

Kaaton se bhara mera aashiyaana ho gaya hai

Phoolon ko dekhe to ek zamaaana ho gaya hai

Hansi uski sun kar hoti thi subah meri

Khamoshi se aaj kal dostaana ho gaya hai

Chanchal si aahat uski aati hai khwabon mein

Sona mere liye to bas bahaana ho gaya hai

Thi zinda meri basti uske eh-do-karam se

Bichadne ke baad to ye viraaana ho gaya hai

Kehte hai man ke peena chhod de

Jabki khali mera paimaana ho gaya hai

Sunaata tha haal-e-dil zamaane ko pehle

Ab to ye kissa bhi puraana ho gaya hai

Mumkin Ho Aap Say To Bhula Dijiye Mujhay

Mumkin Ho Aap Say To Bhula Dijiye Mujhay
Pathar Pay Hon Lakeer, Mita Dijiye Mujhay

Har Roz Mujh Say Taaza Shikayat Hai Aap Ko
Mai Kia Hon, Aik Baar Bata Dijiye Mujhay

Merey Siwa Bhi Hai Koi Mozoo-e-Guftugu
Apna Bhi Koi Rang Dikha Dijiye Mujhay

Mai Kia Hon, Kis Jagah Hon, Mujhay Kuch Khabar Nahi
Hain Aap Kitnay Duur Zara Sada Dijiye Mujhay

Ki Mai Nay Apnay Zakham Ki Tash'heer Jaa Baja
Mai Maanta Hon Jurm, Saza Dijiye Mujhay

Qaim To Ho Sakay Koi Rishta Gohor K Saath
Gehray Samandaron Mai Baha Dijiye Mujhay

Shab Bhar Kiran Kiran Ko Tarasnay Say Faida
Hai Tairgii To Aag Laga Dijiye Mujhay

Jaltey Dinon Mei Khud Pass-e-Deewar Baith Kar
Saaye Ki Justuju Mei Laga Dijiyey Mujhay

Yun To Shola-e-Jaan Sard Ho Chuka
Laikin Sulag Uthoon To Hawa dijiye Mujhay

TuM MeRi Ho,,,,,,,,,,

Us ne phir poocha meri khamoshi ka sabab...

Is rangein duniya mein udasi ka sabab...

Is terha toot kay chahne ka sabab...

yun apne dil mein Basane ka sabab...

har lamha us ko sochne ka sabab...

apne naam Se yun jorne ka sabab...

bahoon mein rakhne ki tamana ka sabab...

labon se choone ki tamana ka sabab...

juda ho janay kay dar ka sabab...

kho janay kay dar ka sabab...

bichar janay kay dar ka sabab...

bhool janay kay dar ka sabab...

kia kahoon mein...kia kehta

bas yahi keh saka...Kay

tum meri ho

mujhay tum se mohabat hai

zïñdägï äß ßë wäfä §ï lägtï häÿ !

Pass reh ker Juda si lagti hai

Pass reh ker Juda si lagti hai

Zindagi Aab Bewafa Si Lgti Hai

Mein Tumhare Beghair Bhi Jee Loon Ga

Ye Dua Bud,Dua si Lagti Hai

Naam Is ka Likha Hai Ankhon Par

Aansoon ki Khata Si lagti hai

Woh Abhi Is Taraf Se Guzra Hai

Ye Zameen Aasman Si Lgti Hai

PYAAR Karna Bhi Jurm Hai Shaid

Aaj DUNYA khafa Si Lagti Hai

saal
beetey, dil se mere ja na paye tum

saal beetey, dil se mere ja na paye tum
sham ki tanhai mein phir yad aaye tum

Har subah paya tumhein khayalon mein apne pas
Raton ko khwabon mein mere muskaraye tum

Lagate ho mere apne jab tum jabase ho dur
Na jane kyon lagate the pahle kuch paraye tum

pyar ham se behisab tha
tumhein phir bhi

jane kyon ham se rahey nazarein churaye tum

jab talak
tum sath the shikway bhi sath the

kuch nahin ho ab mohabbat ke siwai tum

thak gaya hun zindagi ki rah mein "Aas"
kash mil jate kahin nazrein bichhaye tum.

Na main dil ki baat bata saka

Na main dil ki baat bata saka

Na main pass os ko bula saka

Na main dil ki baat bata saka

Wo hansi hansi main chal diye

K main haath tak na hila saka

Mujay keya howa mujay keya habar

Mujay kitna gehra khumar tha

Main khara tha os key hisaar main

Meray ird-gird ghubaar tha

Younhee sochta raha dair tak

Magar os ko kuch na bata saka

Na main pass os ko bula saka

Na main dil ki baat bata saka

Ye bhee theek hai wo chala gaya

Mujay band rastay pe choor kar

Ye bi theek hai...na wo ayega

Kabi buth anna ka tor kar

Wo juda be kese howa ke main

Koi rasm bhi na nibha saka

Na main pass os ko bula saka

Na main dil ki baat bata saka

Na meri dushmani kisi din say ab

Hai na dosti kisi raat say

Hai bacha hi keya jo wo le gaya

Mujay cheen kar meri zaat sey

Wo muqaam hi kuch ajeeb tha

Ke main khud ko bhi na bacha saka

Na main pass os ko bula saka

Na main dil ki baat bata saka

Wo hansi hansi main chal diye

Ke main haath tak na hila saka

QUOTES OF THE DAY

"The only difference between
me and a  madman is that I'm not mad." <O></O>

- Salvador Dali (1904-1989) <O></O>

"If you can't
get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance." <O></O>

- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) <O></O>

"But at my
back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near." <O></O>

- Andrew Marvell (1621-1678) <O></O>

"Good people
do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find
a way around the laws." <O></O>

- Plato (427-347 B.C.) <O></O>

"The power
of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have
it." <O></O>

- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) <O></O>

"Whenever
I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'." <O></O>

- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) <O></O>

"We have
art to save ourselves from the truth." <O></O>

- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) <O></O>

"Never interrupt
your enemy when he is making a mistake." <O></O>

- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) <O></O>

"I think
'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it." <O></O>

- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) when asked what is his favorite song <O></O>

"Human history
becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe."

<O></O>

just between US ....

Whenever I am lonely
Or need a friend nearby
I call on you to be there
With special wings you fly

You comfort me in sorrow
With hopes to ease my pain
Heart of love to calm me
With gentleness of rain

For me you are the treasure
The friend in life I've known
Always there beside me
So grateful for love shown


Like Sparrow of the morning
That comes to greet the day
Your friendship I can count on
You're special in this way

We'll always share the laughter
Sometimes we'll shed some tears
Assured that our tomorrow's
Will last for many years

Through life and every season
Your gentleness is there
The flight of wings forever
They hover like a prayer.

Gazal - Joke

Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...

Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...

Ye line samajh me aaye to mujhe zaroor batana!!

=======================================

tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge,

tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge.....

ghanti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge !!

=======================================

He: Jan-e-mun, is dil mein chali aao

She: Sandal nikaloon kya!

He: Pagli, ye mandir nahi hai, aise hi aajao...

=======================================

Jis waqt khuda ne tumhe banaya hoga,

ek saroor sa uske dil pe chaya hoga...

pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein rakh lun..

phir usse zoo ka khayal aaya hoga!!!

======================================

Mein Tumhare Liye Sab Kuch Karta..

Magar Mujhe Kaam Tha......

Mein Tumhare Liye Doob Ke Marta...

Magar Mujhe Zukaam Tha !

=====================================

Mere marne ke baad mere doston,

yu aansoo na bahana,

Agar meri yaad aaye to,

sidhe upar chale aana!!

=====================================

Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha

Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha

Unho ne phool phenka..gamla bhi saath tha!!

=====================================

Kyon apni qaber khood-hi khod raha hai Galib...

Kyon apni qaber khood-hi khod raha hai Galib...

La, phawda mujhe de!!

=====================================

Kehte hain ki ISHQ main neend ud jaati hai

Koi humse bhi ishq kare

Khambhaqat neend bahut aati hai!!

====================================

Tumsa koi dusara jameen par hua tu rab se sikayat hogi....

Ek to jehlla nahi jata dusra aa gaya to kya halat hogi!!!

====================================

koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........

koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........

koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........

abe aage bhi to bol............

neuclear power ka jamaana hai, bomb se udaa do saale ko.............

===================================

Tumko dekha....tumko dekha...

tumko dekha....to yeh khayal aaya

paaglon ke stock mein naya maal aaya!

===================================

The night is dark, the moon is high,

I stop my car, u ask why?

I come close to u, u feel shy,

I tell u those three magical words....

Hye La, Puncture!!!

===================================

tumhara chehraa moti samaan ..

tumhara chehraa moti samaan...

moti hamaar kutte ka naam!!

=====================================

SHAMMA PARWAANE SE RO RO KE KEH RAHII HAI

ZARA RUMAAL TOU DO MERI NAAK BOHUT BEH RAHI HAI

=========================================

Please apply on or before 14th Feb.

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are
mentioned below.

Designation : Junior girl friend ( trainee )

Experience : No Prior Experience, We need Good looking
Freshers (Aged 18-26) !!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Perks and incentives.

Total gross ( Monthly ) : 3 gifts worth 300/-

30 bike rides each duration 2 hours

20 trips to Marine Drive

5 Trips to Parks

10 Kulfis / Chokobars at a regular gap of
3 days

Daily Provision of Vada Pav / Samosa Pav / Pakoda worth
of 5 /-

4 movies per month on every weekend

Visits to bird park and Shopper's
Stop every Weekend

Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to Demand

Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : Provident Fund and Service taxes to be informed
on joining

PS: Ex-girl friends will not be eligible for any referral
benefits and those who have applied in the last 6 months need not apply again
!!!!

For any clarifications on the job profile, please personally
meet the undersigned….

Regards,

CEO

Honorable MEN

Honorable MEN

Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and
if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river,
his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,
"Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the
axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is
this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your
axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?"
the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to
keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank,
and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared
and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mallika Sherawat. "Is
this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to Mallika Sherawat , You would have come up with
Bipasha Basu. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife.
Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor
man, and am not able to take care

of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Mallika Sherawat."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable
reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE HONOURABLE MEN!!!!!!"

Munna Bhai lage raho....

PROFESSOR

Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?

MUNNA BHAI

Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam,

par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CIRCUIT

Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai.

Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.

MUNNA BHAI

Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.

CIRCUIT

Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.

MUNNA BHAI

Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.

CIRCUIT

Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MAMU

Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai,

aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?

GIRL

Ullu to raat ko bolta hai,

aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CIRCUIT

Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe.

Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.

MUNNABHAI

Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?

CIRCUIT

Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MAMU

Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.

MUNNA BHAI

Tamil kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?

MAMU

Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PROFESSOR

Akal badi ki bhais?

MUNNA BHAI

Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MUNNA BHAI

Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?

CIRCUIT

Bhai, gaadi hai.

MUNNA BHAI

Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?

CIRCUIT

Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CIRCUIT

Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?

MAMU

Nehin.

CIRCUIT

To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MUNNA BHAI

Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.

MAMU

Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?

MUNNA BHAI

Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MUNNA BHAI

Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?

MAMU

B.A.

MUNNA BHAI

Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MAMU

Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.

MAMU KA DOST

Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CIRCUIT

Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?

SHORT CIRCUIT

Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PRINCIPAL

Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200
Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI

Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

Very good Sardar jokes.....Njoy

Interviewer: what is your birth date?


Sardar: 13th October

Which year?

Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked to sardar at an interview

Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,

Do I look like a foreigner?

Wife: No! Why?

Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???


Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi

So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told
WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same.
Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's
fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly sardar said
loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.

When sarda r was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.
Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Sardar went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There
he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
Sardar pointed towards the board "WASH BASIN"

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you
escape?

Sardar : its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

The four liquid stages of life

Detectives Sardars

A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first Singh a picture
for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize
him?" The first Singh answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because
he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because
the picture I showed is his side profile."



Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds
at the second Singh and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize
him?"

The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because
he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the
matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because
it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up
with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singh
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize
him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The
Singh looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect
wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because
he reallydoesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well,
that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his
file and

I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office,
checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile
on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the Singh replied. "He can't wear regular glasses
because he only has one eye and one ear."

Sardarji Bloopers

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily.

After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.

The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"

To this the man replies,"Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,'Wash
Basin' ".

***********************************************************************

SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.

"Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven
eleven."

"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?" "No, this is eleven
eleven."

"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."

"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

***********************************************************************

A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why
are the guys doing what they are doing

The bystander A Marathon race is going on

Sardar : What do they get from that?

Bystander : The winner will get a prize

Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

***********************************************************************

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I
was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.

"But .. what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called
back."

Sardarji Encyclopedia

Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?

Because below 18 was not allowed.

* * * * * *

How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?

Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

* * * * * *

What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at

you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

* * * * * *

What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?

Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

* * * * * *

How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?

Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

* * * * * *

What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?

Trying to hold on to a thought.

* * * * * *

Why do Sardars work seven days a week?

So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

* * * * * *

Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget

the recipe.

* * * * * *

How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?

He threw it off a cliff.

* * * * * *

What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel.

* * * * * *

What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?

The back of his head.

* * * * * *

What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?

Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

* * * * * *

What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?

Just-one Singh.

* * * * * *

Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.

* * * * * *

Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?

Toes Go In First.

* * * * * *

How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?

It has a stamp on it.

* * * * * *

Why can't Sardar dial 911?

They can not find the eleven on the phone

* * * * * *

How do you get Sardar on the roof?

Tell him the drinks are on the house.

* * * * * *

"Oh, look at the dead bird."

Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

* * * * * *

What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see them.

* * * * * *

Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.

The Rules for Guys

1. Be a "creature unlike any other."

However, in particular think in terms of "The Creature from the Black Lagoon"
(Universal 1954), a dark monster that conquers her. Beauty and the Beast. Chicks
love that shit.

2. Don't talk much to a girl (but do take her dancing.)

She only wants to talk about relationships and girl stuff anyway. So take her
dancing. They go nuts for this. Learn enough to get by and look cool, though
you won't need it much after you have her hooked. In the meantime you can flirt
with the other girls on the dance floor.

3. Pay her way on the date, but expect to get back in kind.

Buy her a nice meal, so that she knows what she owes you in exchange for the
meal. In addition, if you buy her a fancy schmancy $50 dinner at some ritzy
place, she won't be able to turn down your request for a $300 "loan"
until you can "get to the cash machine." Good investment.

4. Don't call her after sex.

Make her wait a few days. Girls do this stare at the phone thing, makes them
all anticipatory. Don't give them what they want. Call her in a couple of days
or if you get horny again. Also, after sex, just roll over and go to sleep,
even if she hasn't had an orgasm yet. You did a lot of work and you're tired,
and you have important work to do tomorrow.

5. Always end phone calls first.

Especially if she's read the Girl's Rules that tell her to do this, you won't
have to worry about long phone calls. I mean girls can yak so long on the phone.

6. Don't give her any warning about a date.

Make sure she stays free all the time in case you call. And more to the point,
keep yourself free in case something comes up elsewhere, if you know what I
mean. If you call and she's not available, act real hurt, make it seem like
you will end the relationship if she does this a lot.

7. Tell her what she wants to hear (ie. Lie.)

You like long walks on the beach. You love kids. You like to cook. You're looking
to settle down in a country home with that one special girl. You love horses,
paris, chick movies, sushi and Meryl Streep. You support her goals. Tell her
you're rich, famous, whatever. She'll figure out the more ridiculous ones eventually
but if you play this right you'll get laid first and have her captured. Don't
be scared to eventually talk to her about "the relationship" -- girls
go for this. Just be sure not to believe it yourself.

8. Stop dating her if she doesn't put out by the second date.

Pretend like you're not super eager to get laid but drop the hint with gentle
physical contact. It is nice to date easy chicks and all and get laid on the
first date, but some of the hottest ones like to wait a date. However, if she
doesn't at least give you a blowjob by date #2, #3 at the latest, there are
better investments out there. On date #3, remind her of the "third date
rule."

9. Tell her you love her.

This is the big corollary of rule #7. Don't do it right away but definitely
do it if she's showing reluctance on that blowjob. Practice saying it like you
mean it. As the old saying goes, "Sincerity is everything. If you can fake
that you've got it made."

10. No more than casual sex on the first, or 100th date.

Definitely don't get too involved, as she might ask to be monogamous or something.
Make sure that you never let yourself get tied down.

11. Tell her what to do.

Hey, in the end they all want to be dominated. So make all the decisions and
see how she goes for it. If so, you can probably get this to continue in the
bedroom. No girl is perfect, but most of them like to please a man so you can
change the one(s) you have to fit your needs.

12. Be the bad boy.

Girls love the "bad boy." They hope they can "reform" him,
or they're a case of point #11 above. Either way, you can be as bad as you like.
Treat her like she doesn't exist. Be mysterious. Dangerous. Wear cuffs and a
leather motorcycle jacket, even if you drive a Hyundai. (Park the Hyundai somewhere
else and walk to where you meet her, though.) Remember, nice guys don't get
laid.

13. Don't let her know anything she can pin on you.

Girls like to get close to their guy, and "communicate." But later,
if you break up, she might try and get back at you so for crissake don't let
her know anything she could use or spread to others. Invent deep intimate stuff
you can tell her in bed, she'll go for it. If you can't think up your own, buy
one of those books with Fabio (the guy from the "I can't believe it's not
butter" commercials) on the cover and be one of those guys. (God, this
guy can't tell butter from margarine and chicks swoon over him? Something strange
going on here.)

14. Don't tell her you're married!

For some reason they get really upset. When you take off your ring, get some
tanning lotion or put your hand under a sunlamp to make sure it's not visible
where you took it off. Or tell your wife you just don't want to wear a ring;
invent some sort of bizarre hand disease or rice picker accident. Anyway even
the ones who haven't read the Girl's Rules don't want to date married guys so
don't let her (or your wife) know.

15. Be a pain to live with.

Well, this isn't a thing to so much try to do as a reminder to be yourself.
If you shack up, don't alter your own life just to make it easier for her. One
exception, which is admittedly a royal pain, but worth it -- put the toilet
seat down after you take a wizz. She sees that and she'll think she's found
god's gift to girls, and she'll give you better sex than a $300 hooker. Compare
-- 5 seconds of your time each day to put down the seat vs. $300 blowjob. No
brainer!

16. Don't get caught staring at her tits or other girls'.

For some reason girls don't like it when we stare at their tits when we talk
to them. And they don't like us staring at other girls' either. As if we have
a choice! Anyway, they're watching for this so don't get caught. Check their
eyes, then do your looking.

17. Don't let her leave your things in your apartment.

Or give her a key, until you're sure you can count on her for very regular nookie.
Otherwise they might try to insinuate themselves into your life before you are
sure of this.

18. Even if you're engaged or married, you still can play around.

I mean, do they own you or something? This rule is the most fun.

19. Do The Rules even when your friends or parents think you're nuts!

Truth is, you're getting laid, and they are just jealous.

20. Don't give her the ring, but make her think you will -- or give her a fake
ring.

Drop hints and pretend like some day you want to be married to her, but don't
actually do it. You can even get engaged if you want to lock in some regular
pussy. There's no law that says you actually have to follow through with the
ceremony. Plus, it takes an expert to tell cubic zirconia from a diamond, and
if she takes her ring to an expert she clearly doesn't trust you and is a lost
cause anyway. You can get one of these rings for about $100 and trust me you'll
get a fuck worth far more than that out of it.

21. Double check the birth control.

There's a trade off here. On one hand you don't want to use condoms, so get
her on the pill ASAP. On the other hand if she runs the birth control she might
blindside you with something annoying like a kid just to hook you. You decide.
If she gets pregnant, take the new "morning-after" pill for guys.
(It alters your blood type.)

22. Don't discuss The Rules for Guys with girls.

Like I need to explain this one to you? Do they explain their rules to us? Thought
not.

22a. Don't discuss The Rules for Guys with your therapist.

Because if you have a therapist you've really missed the point of The Rules
for Guys.

23. Figure out her romantic dream.

Almost all girls have one. In 90% of cases it's the knight in shining armour,
the handsome prince or the tall, dark and handsome mysterious stranger. Harlequin
Romances isn't exactly going broke selling girls books about how a guy comes
into the girl's life and does something as simple as fixing her car to make
her life right and sweeps her off her feet. You would be amazed at the "mileage"
you can get just by taking her car down to the shop. Though if you can find
a good mechanic, let me know, OK? Anyway, subtly find out her own personal romantic
dream, and play-act it. On the cheap, of course -- you only have to play-act.
While she may dream of a billionaire who whisks her away to his ranch in his
jet, she'll settle for a $60 rental limo and a $40 1-hour rental horseback ride.

24. Sometimes ya gotta break The Rules.

Hey, Burger King said it best. And it's a great place for a cheap date (use
$4 from the $300 she "lent" you.) But in this case I mean you gotta
break the Girl's Rules.

25. Do The Rules girls. Yes, you can!

If you suspect that some really attractive girl is following The Rules for girls,
take heart. I mean if she's a dog, lose her. But if she's got a great set or
you have some other reason to particularly want her, you now know her exact
game and can use it to get her. The book tells these girls to follow its rules
religiously, even when they don't make sense. You will have to wait 6 dates,
but the authors do tell girls over 30 it's OK to have sex, so they will. Forget
young "The Rules" girls unless you are really keen on virgin-plucking.
You only have to date 'em once a week -- if you date them Friday then you are
free as a bird on Saturday; they'll end calls and dates; they won't call you
when you have other girls over -- a lot of advantages, and as long as you see
past all the manipulative "hard-to-get" tricks you won't be fooled,
just laid.

First, you have to check if she's a The Rules girl or just a stuck-up bitch.
Sometimes it can be hard to differentiate them. Test this by first telling her
how much you admire a girl who sticks to her principles, and then call her Thursday
telling her you just got front-row Orchestra seats to the Boston Pops (a classical
musical group) concert on Friday. If she says yes, she's the stuck-up bitch.
Say, "Did I say Boston Pops? I meant Iggy Pop!" and dump her.

If she says a reluctant no, she's a The Rules girl. The book tells them never
to accept a weekend date after Wednesday. Rush out to the bookstore to get a
copy of The Rules. You'll find it in the dating/relationships section. Since
there is zero chance you've ever gone near that section before, ask at the cashier's
desk. When you get to it you'll know why you've never been to this section before
from the titles of the books. Venus and Mars Together Forever. Men who hate
women and the women who love them too much. Like Dave Barry says I am not making
this up. You're the only guy in weeks to go to this section other than to laugh
at the titles, so if you're lucky some chick might even hit on you. But if not,
go buy the book, and then read it. It's short.

Now you'll know her exact game. Problem is, as noted, it will be 6 weeks until
you get laid. Be sure you have something else on the side during those six weeks.
But look at the advantages. Other than those noted above, you'll learn that
she won't bring up crap like "marriage" or "kids" or "the
relationship." She expects you to bring these things up. Soon the book
will tell her to dump you. Track this, and make sure to start dating another
The Rules girl before the breakup -- 6 weeks before the breakup if you can time
it right.

26. Do The Rules For Guys and you'll get laid.

Don't forget this. You may be tempted to break them, to be "nice"
or "sensitive" or even listen to her. But everybody knows that nice
guys don't get laid. You want to be nice or in the sack? I thought so.

A Typical Day at Macrosoft

Hi. My name is Sherman. I work at Macrosoft. I read something lately that said
Macrosoft was "the technological equivalent of a sweatshop" and it
bothered me. I want to set the record straight so I decided to record what I
do on a typical day at work. I hope this will clear things up. Thank you.

 

4:33 AM -- I woke up and put my pillow and blanket into the bottom drawer of
my desk. Went down the hall for a double espresso but some idiot had turned
the machine off. Had to settle for French Roast. Gordon stopped me on the way
back to the office and asked if I would crack his back. He still hasn't gotten
used to the floor.

4:38 AM -- Gordon's back cracked a little too loudly and he left for the hospital
to get checked out. I am back at my desk checking my mail. Hmmm.... Wow! There's
a note here about the planning meeting for our new product. They've decided
to call it Industry '99 because it will do everything our other suite does plus
put Federal Express, Charles Schwab, and Nabisco out of business. Kewl, dude!

4:41 AM -- Got another bloody nose. I don't believe that damned doctor. There
is no way caffeine can cause this. Shit, out of Kleenex. Thank God for that
medicine cabinet.

4:43 AM -- Just got back and am ready for work. Boy, they keep putting new
stuff in that medicine cabinet. Vivarin! What will they think of next. A couple
of those and that espresso machine can kiss my ass.

4:45 AM -- Started coding. These hidden functions are tough. I don't know how
they expect me to stop someone's modem lights from blinking while we upload
their life's history during registration. Hmm.... maybe a BIOS call to the serial
driver.

5:01 AM -- Time for breakfast. Damned microwave. Even on defrost it still makes
the cream squirt right out of the Twinkies. Well, at least old Gordon's not
here. Yesterday he was so tweaked out on Jolt he set it on high and the damned
things exploded. Boy was maintenance pissed off. Took em half an hour to scrape
that shit off the inside of the oven. We will have a meeting on that one.

5:10 AM -- Ah, nothing like a good meal. Burned my tongue though. Shit, it
hurts. Read the company newsletter while I was eating and it mentioned that
the wife changed her mind again on the layout of the kitchen at Bill's new estate.
Damn, at the rate they're going they'll move in on the same day he throws the
switch and sends the ultimatum to Washington. Ooopps. Maybe I shouldn't have
said that. That's a top secret project. Oh, well, now you know.

5:16 AM -- Went out to the Web with Exploder 7.0 Beta. Just installed it yesterday
and it ate my hard drive. They aren't sure if that bug will be fixed. Too close
to shipping. The plan is to blame it on Quicken if anyone calls support. PointCast
is really hosed though and that pisses me off. Can't get my stock quotes.

5:22 AM -- Gordon called. Says they've got him in a back brace. Promised to
say he slipped in the game room while playing Asteroids so he can get L&I.
He sounded a little pissed though. Better not play basketball with him anytime
soon.

5:28 AM -- Damned contractor called in. He says his father died. Guess I'll
be testing today too. Oh well, I'll throw in a few extra-nasty bugs just for
him to choke on next week. Damned guys are spoiled. They only work 60 hours
a week and cry like babies.

5:37 AM -- Cutting more code. Damned DOA objects. Never do what you want. Stupid
thing just grabbed one of my dirty jpegs and slammed it into the server in building
36. Assholes don't even give me delete rights. Damn. Better get over there and
thrash it before the shit hits the fan.

6:13 AM -- Just got back. Shit, that was close. I had to practically sell my
soul to get that picture deleted. Lucky for me that Bob had to go take a dump.
Only problem was he had just started the backup, so I bumped into the tape to
stop it and the frigging server went down. Oh well, he'll be so busy cleaning
that shit up he won't have time to figure out what happened.

6:22 AM -- Gordon called back. His back is worse than they thought. He was
leaving the hospital and had to go back. He told them he slipped on some dog
shit that was out front and now they're worried he's going to sue them. They
are admitting him for observation.

6:41 AM -- Jerry just got in. God, he's such a prick. His "Pammy"
just walked him to his desk, as always, and played tickle the tonsils with him
just for my benefit. Damned contractors and their girlfriends. Think I'll call
H.R. and see if this is sexual harassment.

7:19 AM -- Got another call from Gordon. Apparently he has a ruptured disc
and is going into emergency surgery.

7:32 AM -- Got a note about a special meeting. The loon that freaked out yesterday
screwed up the source code and we're gonna have to re-do some stuff. Be back
later.

9:17 AM -- Boy, what a ball breaker. That wacko really trashed the project.
Apparently he checked out nearly all the modules and massacred half the code.
They also mentioned that the backup was no good because that moron Bob screwed
it up this morning. God smiles on me.

9:49 AM -- Finally got PointCast going and downloaded the news. There's another
article about porno here at Macrosoft. Uh-oh, better do some clean up work.

10:13 AM -- Finished re-formatting my drive and am waiting for the system to
finish loading. I took my zip drive down to the car and tucked it away in the
trunk.

10:27 AM -- Ah, espresso at last. Just in time. I have a spec meeting in three
minutes.

11:45 AM -- Another meeting from hell. I don't know why they call them specs.
You never actually see them until the project is done and off to shipping. I
am going to lunch.

12:12 PM -- Got lunch. Boy, this pizza is the best. I don't know what it is
about the cheese though. Looks a little like a dried booger. They finally got
Jolt on tap in the cafeteria. About damned time.

12:26 PM -- Finished lunch. Went to take a dump but the line was too long.
Gotta hold it a while longer. Ran into Leslie in the hall and she told me I
looked nice. Hmm... wonder what she wants. Reminds me. Better call H.R. about
the "lip lizards".

1:03 PM -- Called H.R. and talked to Rebecca. She said I might have a case
for sexual harassment if Pammy-baby was making any eye contact with me while
they were face-fucking. Suppose I could lie. Bitch wants me anyway, I can tell.

1:27 PM -- Finally got to take a shit. Jeez, that was a frigging sequoia. Stuck
up there any longer and they'd have to cut it in half and count the rings to
tell how old it was.

1:41 PM -- Jerry just left, glaring like the prick he is. I think Rebecca just
nabbed his ass. Ha! Bite my prong you moron.

1:48 PM -- Jeez, I was getting grumpy. Got a double latte. That should bring
me down a little. Gordon's wife left a message on my machine saying that he
is paralyzed from the neck down. They think it's permanent. Just hope the bastard
can't talk either. I'm calling my lawyer.

2:16 PM -- Rebecca called back and has her titties in a tizzy. Seems Jerry
the Fairy took Pammy Eats My Hammy down to her office and mentioned that little
incident from last week. I told her it wasn't even close to a grope, more like
a wedgie. Oh, well, something else for the lawyer.

2:29 PM -- Well gag me with a frigging spatula! Another new guy. Damned contractors.
Make more money than us and have that innocent look. Bradford, huh. That's your
name? Okay, you scrotum, the next virus will be named after you.

2:52 PM -- Whew. Went down to the car and took a shot of NyQuil. Man, I gotta
come down a little. Call the lawyer. Call the lawyer.

3:20 PM -- Oh, Fuck! Damned lawyer called me! Gordon just croaked and the cops
want to talk to me at five. Goddamned freaky bastard. What the hell did he think
I was, a frigging chiropractor?

3:51 PM -- Damned nose is spewing blood like a fire hydrant. Be back in a minute.

4:16 PM -- Got the bleeding stopped but Janitorial is livid. They say the stain
won't come out of the carpet but hell, it's already kind of red.

4:58 PM -- Just got handed a notice to appear before the harassment board on
Monday. Fucking Jerry. I'll get him and that prissy-assed bitch.

5:22 PM -- Ah, dinner. At least the NyQuil is working a little. These pizza
rolls are the greatest. Gotta get me some next month when I go to the store.

5:55 PM -- Cops showed up because I forgot to go see them. Damned Gestapo gave
me the third degree. The lawyer was already here because Jerry filed a lawsuit
and Gordon's wife is on her way over with a gun.

6:29 PM -- Man, what a day. Gordon's wife was caught in the parking lot but
wouldn't leave until she was allowed to bitch me out. They took me downstairs
and I faced her. Then all hell broke loose when her dog jumped out of their
Jeep and attacked my groin. Bitch must have had him trained by some feminist
group. Just stopped in to get my jacket before they take me over to the hospital.

8:51 PM -- Back at last. Damned dog did some damage. Five stitches and some
rabies shots. I still don't know what the penicillin was all about. They didn't
even have any real coffee there. Gotta go get a cup.

9:00 PM -- Cops just phoned. I have to be at the courthouse tomorrow morning
for arraignment. They said I should bring my attorney. Ha, ha, joke's on them.
We'll be there anyway dealing with Jerry and Pammy.

9:36 PM -- Got the virus finished and zapped it over to that new asshole's
system. Have a nice breakfast, you dillweed.

9:58 PM -- Last code for the day. I finished the new voice help feature. This
is gonna be cool. I fixed one section extra special. If you play it backwards
it says "Pammy fucks the band". God, technology is great.

10:25 PM -- Talked to the lawyer. He said I should bring extra clothes tomorrow.

10:49 PM -- Shit! Circuit breaker in the kitchen went out. Nothing is working.
Damn. There was only one Jolt left. Better make it last.

11:22 PM -- Couldn't find my porno mags. I think Jerry got them. God, court
is going to be a bitch. Worse than last year.

11:43 PM -- Called Mom. She said I didn't get any mail. No news is good news,
I guess. She mentioned that my dog died last week. Asked if I would be home
soon.

12:32 AM -- Well, I think the day is over. I am going to crash if I can find
a bloodless spot on the floor. Gotta set the computer to wake me up early. Big
day tomorrow. Goodnight.

Any similarities between this and any real company are intentionally coincidental.

Billgate's Dollars

Another way to examine this sort of wealth is to compare it to yours. Consider
an average American of modest wealth. Perhaps she has a net worth of $70,000.
Mr. Gates' worth is 800,000 times larger. Which means that if something costs
$100,000 to her, to Bill it's as though it costs 12 cents. You can work out the
right multiplier for your own net worth.So for example, you might think a new
Lambourghini Diablo would cost $250,000, but in Bill Gates dollars that's 31
cents.

That fully loaded, multimedia active matrix 233 MHZ laptop with the 1024x768
screen you've been drooling after? Half a penny.A nice home in a rich
town like Palo Alto, California? Two dollars. That nice mansion he's
building? A more reasonable $63 to him.You might spend $50 on tickets, food
and parking to take your date to see an NHL hockey game. Bill, on the other
hand could buy the team for 50 Bill-bills.

You might buy a plane ticket on a Boeing 747 for $1200 at full-fare coach.
In Bill-bills, Mr. Gates could buy six 747s (Not tickets, the planes
themselves). Two for him, two for Melinda and two for young Jennifer Katherine.

How to catch a Lion

H o w t o C a t c h a L I O N

Newton 's Method:



Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Implies you caught lion.



Einstein Method:



Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get
tired soon.

Now you can trap it easily.



Software Engineer Method:



Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.

If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.



Indian Police Method:



Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion
.



Rajnikanth Method :



Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.

The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.



Jayalalitha Method:



Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping
!



Manirathnam Method (director):



Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark

room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears.

The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.



Karan Johar Method (director):



Send a lioness into the forest.

Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.


But 2nd lioness loves both lions.

Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!




Yash Chopra method (director):



Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.



Govinda method:



Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.



Menaka Gandhi method:



Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.




George bush method:



Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!



Ravi Shastri method:



Ask the lion to bowl at u.

U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

Lion tired and surrenders