Bold Jokes - Adult Jokes

Mr. Ali had 3 sons named – Rahmat Ali, Barkat Ali & Mehboob Ali.


When 4th &5th was born then Ali’s wife decided to name them – Matkar Ali & Baskar Ali.


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Why Women not have a PENIS?


Ans: B’coz that comes together with the Brain.


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The Englishman says,” I’ve got ten children, one more and I will have a football Team”.


The American says, “I have got fourteen children, one more and I will have a rugby Team”.


The Arabian says’ “I have got seventeen wives, one more and I will have a GOLF Course”.


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Friends are like underwear –always a comfort.


Good friends are like condom – always protective.


Great friends are like Viagra – lift you up when you are down.

CAN U BEAT THIS RESUME !!!!!!!!!!!! !

RESUME

EDUCATION /Qualification:

1950: Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Punjab University, Chandigarh ,
1952; Stood first in MA (Economics), Punjab University , Chandigarh ,
1954; Wright's Prize for distinguished performance at St John's College, Cambridge,
1955 and 1957; Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge ,
1957; DPhil ( Oxford ), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India 's export competitiveness

OCCUPATION /Teaching Experience :

Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;
Reader, Economics, 1959-63;
Professor, Economics, Punjab University , Chandigarh , 1963-65;
Professor,Internati onal Trade, Delhi School of Economics,Universit y of Delhi,1969-71 ;
Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University ,New Delhi,1976 and Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi ,1996 and Civil Servant

Working Experience/ POSITIONS :

1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade
1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance

1976-80: Director, Reserve Bank of India ;
Director, Industrial Development Bank of India;
Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, Asian Development Bank;
Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, IBRD

November 1976 - April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Department of economic affairs);
Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission; Member,finance, Space Commission

April 1980 - September 15, 1982 : Member-secretary, Planning Commission

1980-83: Chairman , India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint study committee

September 16, 1982 - January 14, 1985 : Governor, Reserve Bank of India ..

1982-85: Alternate Governor for India , Board of governors, International Monetary Fund

1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister

1985: President, Indian Economic Association

January 15, 1985 - July 31, 1987 : Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission

August 1, 1987 - November 10, 19! 90: Secretary-general and commissioner,
south commission, Geneva

December 10, 1990 - March 14, 1991 : Advisor to the Prime Minister on economic affairs

March 15, 1991 - June 20, 1991 : Chairman, UGC

June 21, 1991 - May 15, 1996 : Union finance minister

October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket

June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance

August 1, 1996 - December 4, 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standing committee on commerce

March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the O pposition, Rajya Sabha

June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance

August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules

Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member, executive committee, Indian parliamentary group

June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee

BOOKS:

India 's Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth -
Clarendon Press, Oxford University , 1964; also published a large number of articles in various economic journals.

OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Adam Smith Prize, University of Cambridge , 1956

Padma Vibhushan, 1987

Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;

Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia, 1993 and 1994

INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS:

1966: Economic Affairs Officer

1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD

1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on
International Monetary Reform

1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings

1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting

1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting

1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus 1993: Human Rights World Conference, Vienna

RECREATION :

Gymkhana Club, New Delhi; Life Member, India International Centre,
New Delhi

PERSONAL DETAIL:

Name: Dr Manmohan Singh

DOB: September 26, 1932

Place of Birth: Gah ( West Punjab )

Father: S. Gurmukh Singh

Mother: Mrs Amrit Kaur

Married on: September 14, 1958

Wife: Mrs Gursharan Kaur

Children: Three daughters

Our Prime Minister seems to be the most qualified PM all over the world.

Hot Joke

Mother found a condom in daughter's cupboard.

She went straight to her n asked: What is this?

Girl: तो आप क्या चाहती हैं, मैं इस उमर में मा बन जाउ?

MURDER OF ENGLISH

The Leave Applications; )

· Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

'Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave.'

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· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the 'mundan' ceremony of his 10 year old son:
'as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days...'
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· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
'as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave..'
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· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
'As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave..'
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· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
'Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave'
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· An incident of a leave letter:
'I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday.'
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· A leave letter to the headmaster:
'As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today'
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· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
'As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day..'
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· One Covering note:
'I am enclosed herewith...'
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· Another one:
'Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below...'
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· Actual letter written for application of leave:
'My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave'.
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· Letter writing:-
'I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.'
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· A candidate's job application:
'This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.