Fun and Humor

Geeta Saar

2012-01-25T17:57:00.012+05:30

Geeta Saar

Rajiv Gandhi & Sonia

2012-01-19T23:26:00.001+05:30

Rajiv Gandhi & Sonia

Very Rare Photograph..

Rajiv Gandhi & Sonia

WeddingQuery....... ........ (SQL Style)

2012-01-14T23:12:00.000+05:30

WeddingQuery....... ........ (SQL Style)

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null

SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalanceFROM FatherInLaw
UPDATEMyBankAccout SETMyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATEMyLockerSET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTOMyCarShed VALUES('BMW')
END
GO

Then the wife writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

MAN vs WOMAN

2012-01-05T23:07:00.002+05:30

MAN vs WOMAN

- A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.

- A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.

- To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
- Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.
- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.
- Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

To all computer users

2011-12-29T13:15:00.001+05:30

For Computer Users

To all computer users

Ajeeb dastan (Programming Songs)

2011-12-23T13:21:00.001+05:30

Programming Songs

1.Two Recursive functions calling each other

Mujhe kuchh kehna hein

mujhe bhi kuchh kehna hein

pehle tum, pehle tum

2. The debugger

Jab koi baat bigad jaye

Jab koi mushkil pad jaye

Tum dena saath mera hamnawaz

3. COM programming in VC++

Roop tera mastana

Pyar mera deewana

Bhool kahin hum se na ho jaye

4. From VC++ to VB

Yeh haseen vaadiyan

Yeh khula asmaan

Aa gaye hum kahan

5. Untrackable bug --

aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi,

awaaz de kahin se

6. Unexpected bug (esp. during presentation to client)

Ye kya hua, Kaise hua, Kab hua, Kyon hua

7. And then to the client

Jab hua, Tab hua, O chhodo, ye na socho

8. Load Balancing

Saathi haath badhana

ek akela thak jayega

mil kar bojh uthana

9. Modem - talk on a busy connection

suno - kaho,

kaha - suna,

kuch huwa kya?

Abhee to nahin...

kuch bi nahin

10. Windows getting open sourced

Parde mein rahne do

parda na uthao

parda jo uth gaya to bhed khul jayeha

allah meri tauba, allah meri tauba

11. Local variable

Mein pal do pal ka shayar hoon,

pal! do pal meri kahani hai,

pal do pal meri hastihai...

12. Global variable

Main har ik pal ka shayar hoon

har ik pal meri kahani hai

har ik pal meri hasti hai ...

13. Null pointers

Mera jeevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya .

14. Dangling pointers

Maut bhi aati nahi jaan bhi jati nahin.

15. GOTO

Ajeeb dastan hai yeh

Kahan shuru kahan khatam

Ye manzilen hain kaun si

Na woh samajh sake na hum

cheers ..

I Care

2011-12-19T13:02:00.001+05:30

You might be best friends one year,

Pretty good friends the next year,

Don't talk that often the next year,

And don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just wanted to say,
You are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,

I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.

Send this to all your friends,

No matter how often you talk ,

Or how close you are,

And send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,

And tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend,

Someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all,

Just remember this
And take comfort in knowing

Somebody out there cares about you....

Have a blessed day!!

Be thankful

2011-12-02T12:58:00.001+05:30

"Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something,

For it gives you the opportunity to learn."

"Be thankful for your mistakes.

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary,

Because it means you've made a difference."

So, KEEP SMILING and have a peaceful mind for the day!!!

Be thankful

Short Story with a Good message

2011-11-25T12:54:00.001+05:30

Short Story with a Good message - Read This good one

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father. "There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.

So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...This message is too short......but carries a lot of Feelings .

Irritating Calls Situation....FUNNY

2011-11-19T12:52:00.001+05:30

1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.

2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.

3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

4. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.

6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder. ..louder. ..louder!

7. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

8. If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems.... ........"

9. Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.

10. Tell the HSBC call center guy to call on your office number. - and give him the ICICI call center number.

Who is Stronger ???

2011-11-07T12:49:00.000+05:30

Who is Stronger ???

Who is Stronger ???

U ME AUR HUM....by Ajay devgan

2011-10-29T12:45:00.001+05:30

U ME AUR HUM....by Ajay devgan

U ME AUR HUM....by Ajay devgan

A small touching story mainly for professionals...

2011-10-22T12:38:00.001+05:30

A small touching story mainly for professionals...

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"

DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?" replied the man.

SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"

DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" The man said angrily.

SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"

DAD: "If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour."

SON: "Oh," the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?"

The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that

Rs.50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

"Are you asleep, son?" He asked.

"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier" said the man.

"It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you... Here's the Rs.50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. "Oh, thank you daddy!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

"Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.

"Daddy, I have Rs.100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?

Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

Do remember to share that Rs.100 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.

But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Appraisal Vs Resignation

2011-10-15T12:20:00.000+05:30

A newly joined trainee asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation?"

Trainee: "Yes I do"

Boss: "So let me make you understand what an appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation

Appraisal	Resignation
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.	In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.	In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.	During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.	There is 100% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For good appraisal I will have to resign ...!!!"

Old man and his 25-years-old son (beautiful story)

2011-10-05T18:28:00.000+05:30

An old man was traveling with his 25 yr old son in the train.

Train is about to leave the station. All passengers are settling down their seat.

As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and curiosity.

He was sitting on the window side.

He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He shouted, "Papa see all trees

are going behind".

Old man smile and admired son feelings.

Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all the conversion between

father and son.

They were little awkward with the attitude of 25 yr old man behaving like a small

child.

Suddenly young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are

moving with train"

Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly.

Now its start raining and some of water drops touches the young man's hand.

He filled with joy and he closed the eyes.

He shouted again, "Papa it's raining, water is touching me, see papa".

Father was happy!

Couple couldn't help themselves and ask the old man, "Why don't you visit the

Doctor and get treatment for your son."

Old man said, "Yes, we are coming from the hospital; my son was born blind and

today only he got the eye sight for the first time".

Moral: Don't draw conclusions until you know all the facts

Dogs gets Blanket

2011-08-23T09:35:00.006+05:30

Dogs gets Blanket

I want to sleep, let me go with Blanket in my Home.

Good Night

भारतीय गरीब है लेकिन भारत देश गरीबनहीं

2011-08-20T09:10:00.000+05:30

“दर्द होता रहा छटपटाते रहे, आईने॒से सदा चोट खाते रहे,

वो वतन बेचकर मुस्कुराते रहे

हम वतन के लिए॒सिर कटाते रहे”

280 लाख करोड़ का सवाल है ...

भारतीय गरीब है लेकिन भारत देश कभी गरीब नहीं रहा"* ये कहना है स्विस बैंक के डाइरेक्टर का. स्विस बैंक के डाइरेक्टर ने यह भी कहा है कि भारत का लगभग 280 लाख करोड़ रुपये उनके स्विस बैंक में जमा है. ये रकम इतनी है कि भारत का आने वाले 30 सालों का बजट बिना टैक्स के बनाया जा सकता है.

या यूँ कहें कि 60 करोड़ रोजगार के अवसर दिए जा सकते है. या यूँ भी कह सकते है कि भारत के किसी भी गाँव से दिल्ली तक 4 लेन रोड बनाया जा सकता है.

ऐसा भी कह सकते है कि 500 से ज्यादा सामाजिक प्रोजेक्ट पूर्ण किये जा सकते है. ये रकम इतनी ज्यादा है कि अगर हर भारतीय को 2000 रुपये हर महीने भी दिए जाये तो 60 साल तक ख़त्म ना हो. यानी भारत को किसी वर्ल्ड बैंक से लोन लेने कि कोई जरुरत नहीं है. जरा सोचिये ... हमारे भ्रष्ट राजनेताओं और नोकरशाहों ने कैसे देश को

लूटा है और ये लूट का सिलसिला अभी तक 2011 तक जारी है.

इस सिलसिले को अब रोकना बहुत ज्यादा जरूरी हो गया है. अंग्रेजो ने हमारे भारत पर करीब 200 सालो तक राज करके करीब 1 लाख करोड़ रुपये लूटा.

मगर आजादी के केवल 64 सालों में हमारे भ्रस्टाचार ने 280 लाख करोड़ लूटा है. एक तरफ 200 साल में 1 लाख करोड़ है और दूसरी तरफ केवल 64 सालों में 280 लाख करोड़ है. यानि हर साल लगभग 4.37 लाख करोड़, या हर महीने करीब 36 हजार करोड़ भारतीय मुद्रा स्विस बैंक में इन भ्रष्ट लोगों द्वारा जमा करवाई गई है.

भारत को किसी वर्ल्ड बैंक के लोन की कोई दरकार नहीं है. सोचो की कितना पैसा हमारे भ्रष्ट राजनेताओं और उच्च अधिकारीयों ने ब्लाक करके रखा हुआ है.

हमे भ्रस्ट राजनेताओं और भ्रष्ट अधिकारीयों के खिलाफ जाने का पूर्ण अधिकार है.हाल ही में हुवे घोटालों का आप सभी को पता ही है - CWG घोटाला, २ जी स्पेक्ट्रुम घोटाला , आदर्श होउसिंग घोटाला ... और ना जाने कौन कौन से घोटाले अभी उजागर होने वाले है ........

Funny Bra

2011-08-13T09:26:00.000+05:30

The humorous underwear has hands grabbing her breasts.

A funny bra picture and a pretty womans lingerie top comedy pic.

Osama & Bush, at some undisclosed location

2011-08-11T22:11:00.000+05:30

Osama & Bush, at some undisclosed location

First Remote control ever invented

2011-08-01T09:12:00.000+05:30

First Remote control ever invented

4 Liquid stages of life

2011-07-23T09:10:00.000+05:30

4 Liquid stages of life... What a way to summarize the stages of life- without saying a word!

4 Liquid stages of life... What a way to summarize the stages of life- without saying a word!

What Love means

2011-07-13T08:43:00.000+05:30

What Love means to a 4-8 year old:-

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

*************************************

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' Billy - age 4

*************************************

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

*************************************

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

*************************************

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

*************************************

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

*************************************

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'

Bobby - age 7

*************************************

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6

*************************************

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7

*************************************

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

*************************************

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8

*************************************

'My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' Clare - age 6

*************************************

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5

*************************************

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford..'

Chris - age 7

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'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

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'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

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'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

*************************************

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8

*************************************

Aaj ki Mahabharat

2011-07-05T08:37:00.000+05:30

Aaj ki Mahabharat

ITALY SAMBER - IN INDIA

2011-05-08T09:20:00.000+05:30

ITALY SAMBER - IN INDIA

Sheela Ki Jawani -

2011-05-01T20:36:00.000+05:30

Dear All,

प्रस्तुत उत्तेजक गीत हिन्दी फिल्म जगत के नवीनतम रत्न 'तीस मार खान' से लिया गया है. यह गाना नायिका के संगमरमर जैसे शरीर से आकर्षित होने वाले लंगोट के ढीले पुरुषों पर नायिका की अपमानजनक प्रतिक्रया को व्यक्त करता है. नायिका उन्हें सीधे और कटु शब्दों में बताना चाहती है कि शीशे के पीछे रसगुल्ले की ख्वाहिश करना एक बात है और उसे चखना दूसरी बात!

I know you want it

But you never gonna get it

Tere haath kabhi na aani

Maane na maane koi duniya

Yeh saari, mere ishq ki hai deewani

गाने की शुरुआत नायिका के ईमानदारीपूर्ण वक्तव्य से होती है. वो जानती है कि इन मर्दों को उसकी भावनाओं, दिल और प्रेम से कोई सरोकार नहीं. वो तो बस एक ही चीज चाहते हैं. पर वो उन्हें मिलने वाली नहीं. उन्हें मुंह में भर आये पानी से ही अपनी प्यास बुझानी होगी. दुर्भाग्यपूर्ण, परन्तु सत्य.

Hey hey, I know you want it

but you never gonna get it

Tere haath kabhi na aani

Maane na maane koi duniya

yeh saari Mere ishq ki hai deewani

Ab dil karta hai haule haule se

Main toh khud ko gale lagaun

Kisi aur ki mujhko zaroorat kya

Main toh khud se pyaar jataun

नायिका पुनः दर्जनों पुरुषों में उसके प्रति जगी वासना पर प्रकाश डालती है. वो अपने आस-पास मंडराते छिछोरों को बताती है कि उनकी दाल नहीं गलने वाली. पर साथ ही यहाँ नायिका के व्यक्तित्व का एक और पक्ष उजागर होता है. सौंदर्य से जागृत अहंकार का पक्ष. वो अपनी सुन्दरता से इतनी प्रभावित है कि उसे किसी पुरुष की ज़रुरत नहीं. वो अपने अन्दर की स्त्री के लिए खुद ही पुरुष बन जाना चाहती है. अब इसे अहंकार की पराकाष्ठा कहें या आत्म-प्रेम की मादकता!

what's my name

My name is Sheela

Sheela ki jawani

I'm just sexy for you

Main tere haath na aani

Na na na sheela

Sheela ki jawani

I'm just sexy for you

Main tere haath na aani

अब नायिका अपना परिचय देती है. अपना नाम बताती है. और नाम भी ऐसा जो बूढ़ी नसों के लिए वायाग्रा का काम करे. उनमें यौवन का झंझावात ला दे. नाम बताने के साथ वो यह भी बताती है कि वो बहुत ही ज़्यादा सेक्सी है. अपने मुंह मियाँ मिट्ठू. पर इस आत्म-प्रशंसा में भी अहंकार की सुगंध है. वो खुद को इतना ज़्यादा सेक्सी बताती है कि वो सबकी पहुँच से बाहर है. एक ऐसे चन्द्रमा की तरह जिसकी चांदनी तो सबको उपलब्ध है, पर उस चाँद को छूकर उसे महसूस करना किसी के बस की नहीं. यहाँ यह सिद्ध होता है है कि नायिका सौंदर्य की साधक ही नहीं, बल्कि अहंकार से भरी चुड़ैल भी है.

Take it on

अब नायिका सीधे शब्दों में चुनौती देती है. एक ऐसी चुनौती जो शायद मर्दों में शराब के बिना भी साहस ला दे.

Silly silly silly silly boys

O o o you're so silly

Mujhe bolo bolo karte hain

O o oHaan jab unki taraf dekhun,

baatein haule haule karte hain

Hai magar, beasar mujh par har paintra

अब नायिका उनका उपहास करती है. उन्हें मूर्ख कहकर पुकारती है. उन्हें ज़लील करती है. वो मर्द नायिका के बारे में गुप-चुप बातें कर सकते हैं, पर उसके सामने जुबां नहीं खोल पाते. वासना और कायरता का ये अद्भुत संगम है.

Haye re aise tarse humko

Ho gaye sober se re

Sookhey dil pe megapan ke

teri nazariya barse re

I know you want it

but you never gonna get it

Tere haath kabhi na aani

SheelaSheela ki jawani

I'm just sexy for you

Main tere haath na aani

Na na na sheela

Sheela ki jawani

I'm just sexy for you

Main tere haath na aani

यहाँ आखिरकार वासना से मदहोश मर्द कुछ बोलने की हिम्मत जुटाते हैं. वो धीमे स्वर में अपनी इच्छा ज़ाहिर करते हैं. वो बोलते हैं कि नायिका का फिसलता बदन उनके बंजर दिलों में प्रेम का अंकुर ला रहा है. मानो नायिका को उनकी असली इच्छा का पता ही नहीं. इसलिए वह उन्हें फिर से याद दिलाती है कि दिन में सपने देखना छोड़ दें.

यह ख़ूबसूरत गीत आज ही नहीं , सदियों से चला आ रही नर और नारी की मानसिकता को उजागर करता है. नारी हज़ारों घंटे श्रृंगार और व्यायाम में बिताकर इस लायक दिखती है कि मर्द उस पर गिद्ध जैसी नज़रें डालें. पर जब वो नज़रें डालते हैं तो नायिका उन्हें चूजा सिद्ध कर देती है. नर भी कम नहीं. वो नारी के शारीरिक आकर्षण के सामने आपा खो बैठते हैं. जब वासना शिखर पर होती है तो साहस लुकाछिपी खेल रहा होता है. अब ऐसे में मिलन हो तो कैसे हो? इसी सवाल के साथ यह गीत श्रोताओं और दर्शकों के मन में एक कसक छोड़ जाता है.

Mamma is so helpful, she can balance everything.

2011-04-21T09:14:00.000+05:30

Mamma is so helpful, she can balance everything.

English & Hindi combination

2011-04-18T09:15:00.000+05:30

English & Hindi combination

Animals are always so close to men specially Dogs.

2011-04-17T09:14:00.000+05:30

Animals are always so close to men specially Dogs.

What a bond between us

2011-04-16T09:08:00.000+05:30

What a bond between us

Couples always mischief, so the always pay more

2011-04-15T09:07:00.000+05:30

Couples always mischief, so the always pay more

The Best relation between two different religions

2011-04-14T08:48:00.000+05:30

The Best relation between two different religions

I am little Squirrel but more wiser that You

2011-04-13T08:58:00.000+05:30

I am little Squirrel but more wiser that You

We want more

2011-04-12T08:46:00.000+05:30

We want more

Oh La La - what a pose

2011-04-11T08:45:00.000+05:30

Oh La La - what a pose

Don’t spoil bachelors

2011-04-10T08:43:00.000+05:30

Don’t spoil bachelors

Sale Strategy of Beer

2011-04-09T08:41:00.000+05:30

How to attract your customers for Beer

Facebook Fever

2011-04-08T08:39:00.000+05:30

Now everyone is affected with Facebook fever.

April Fool jokes SMS

2011-03-31T09:17:00.000+05:30

Someone Misses U..

Needs U,, Worries About U,, Lonely Without U

Guess Who?

THE MONKEY IN THE ZOO

*********************************

Fact 1: You cannot touch your lower lip with your tongue…

Fact 2: After reading this, 99/100 idiots would try it.

Hahaha!!!!

*********************************

I am your girlfriend:
Smart.
Intelligent.
Sweet.
Talented.
Excllent.
Romantic.
theek kaha na ?
In short I am your S.I.S.T.E.R.
Happy april fools day

3 idiots - In live Action

2011-02-24T22:49:00.000+05:30

3 idiots - In live Action

3 idiots - In live Action

Jokes Funny

2011-02-22T09:10:00.000+05:30

What is the diference b/w stress,tension & panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,
tension is when girlfriend is pregnant &
panic is when both are pregnant

***************************

Maths and Women are the two most complicated things in the world. . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . but maths atleast has some logic !!

***************************

Ever Wondered Why Women Wear Panties With Printed Flowers?

Its A Way Of Saying Come Please Water My Garden With Your Pipe

10 things no tel lto your girl friend

2011-02-15T00:48:00.000+05:30

Come on, who's gonna find out?
I promise you wont choke.
Can I get you in the pooper?
Trust me, I'm a professional.
Well, your sister likes it like that.
Wow look at the ass on her!
Now why cant your boobs be that big?
I gotta poop.
Oh you forgot to shave today too?
I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.

Valentine Messages Love Messages

2011-02-14T00:00:00.000+05:30

मेरे कुछ जज़्बात है कहीं खोए हुए से,

कैसे कहूँ तुमसे वो जैसे है शरमाये हुए से,

पर दिन आज है मोहब्बत का,अब ना चुप रहूं,

ये तेरा ही प्यार है,जैसे हर बाग चमन खिले हुए से !!

Be My Valentine!!!

**************Happy Valentines Day***************

Adult Jokes - Hot Jokes in Hindi

2011-02-12T08:27:00.000+05:30

Bus stop pe ek ladki wisper ka packet lekar khadi thi.

Bhikhari- kuch de do.
Ladki- Abhi kuch nahi hai.
Bhikhari- ye bread ka packet hi de do.
Ladki- kal aana, sos bhi laga ke dungi.

***************************

Ek aadmi kabar ke uper baitha tha.

Ek Ladki udhar se nikal rahi thi.

Ladki:- Tum ko dar nahi lagta hai?

Aadmi:- Darne ki kya baat hai, andar garmi bahut thi, is liye thori der ke liye kabar se bahar aaya hoon.

***************************

Sexy Miss ne class main baccho se pucha:- Mere marne ke baad meri Kabar per kya likha hoga?

Last seat per baitha baccha bola:- Mohtarma pehli bar akeli so rahi hain..

Funny Jokes - Good Jokes

2011-02-08T08:26:00.000+05:30

Gabber Singh ka janam hua to uski maa ne jor se thappad mara.
Poocho kiyun?
.
.
.
.
Kyuki Usne Maa se poocha tha: Kitne Aadmi the?

***************************

Ek bar Santa Ek naale Mein Gir gaya.
Tabi ek ladki ne chedte hue kaha-SURFEXCEL hai na, DAG ACCHE HAIN.

Santa: DAAG itne hi acche hain to WHISPER kyu lagati ho.

***************************

Ek Jinn(Jinny) sharaab peene insaan ke roop mein aaya, 10 glass pee gaya

Bar keeper:- Tumhe charhti nahi hai kya?

Jinn: Mein jinn hoon.

Bar keeper: charh gyee hai sale. Ab Ghar Jaa.

Adult Jokes | Bold Hindi Jokes

2011-02-01T16:50:00.000+05:30

Doctor mareez ki ga*nd main ungli kar ke baitha tha.
Ek ne poocha Doctor sahab kya kar rahey ho?

Doctor: - Mareez ko ulti kara raha hoon.

Ek ne phir poocha kaise?

Doctor:- yahi ungli abhi uskey muh main daaloonga.

***************************

Ek Aurat dosri se:- Jab Tumhara Talaaq huaa to Tumhara Ek Baccha tha, aur ab 4 hain. Kaise?

Dosri aurat sharma ke boli:- Vo kabhi-kabhi Maafi maangney aa jatey hain!

***************************

A young girl after her honeymoon came fully exhausted and tired.

When her all friends asked her the reason of her tiredness?

She replied: - When this 70 year old man told me he has saved a lot from last 50 years, I thought It was “MONEY”.

Sardar Jokes | Funny Jokes

2011-01-31T18:47:00.000+05:30

Sardar send SMS to his BOSS: - I am sick, no work.

Boss SMS back:- When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.

One hours later sardar sms 2 boss:- I am ok, your wife very sweet

***************************

Santa & Banta Ek kabristan mein baith kar baat kar rahe the.

Santa:- Banta, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hain.

Tabhi Saare murde uth khare hue aur bole:- Kiyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de kar paai hai...

***************************

Bewafa tum ho to wafadaar hum bhi nahi hain,

Besharam tum ho to sharamdaar hum bhi nahi hain,

Pyaar ke is mode par aake kehte ho ki shadishuda ho,

To sun lo ki kunware hum bhi nahin hain.

Funny Jokes | Cool Jokes

2011-01-30T18:47:00.000+05:30

Boy:- hum 35 bahan bhai hain.

Girl:- Kya tumhare ghar Family Planning wale nhi aye the.

Boy:- Aye the. Hum sab padh rahe the, wo coaching centre smjh ke wapas chale gaye.

***************************

Judge:- Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.

Lawyer:- Kaun saala aisa kehta hai?

Judge:- Tum ne mujhe saala bola?

Lawyer:- Nahi My Lord, Meine pucha ki KAUN-SA-LAW aisa kehta he?

***************************

Santa:- Jab mai mar jaun to samne wali family ko zaroor bulana.

Banta:- Kyun?

Santa:- Yaar, unke ghar ki ladies murde se lipat-lipat kar roti hain.

Funny Jokes - Hindi Jokes

2011-01-28T23:33:00.000+05:30

Boy to Girl Friend – Dear look into my eyes, what do you see, tell honestly.

Girlfriend – True Love.

Boy – Abe O true love wali, Macchar najar nahi aaya kya, jaldi nikal.

**************************

Ladke ne Ladki ko phool diya kamal.

Ladki ne zordar tamacha mara.

Ladka – kyu mara, mein to BJP ka prachar kar raha tha?

Ladki – Aur Mein Congress ka.

**************************

LOVE is when we Drink same COCONUT Water putting 2 straws.

Friendship is when V have 1 COCONUT Water putting only 1 straw 1 by 1 and saying “BHIKARI PURA MAT PI”

Cool Jokes - Hindi Jokes

2011-01-28T00:34:00.000+05:30

One day a man published an advertisement in the local Newspaper: "Wife wanted".

Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing- "You can have mine."

****************************

Always start your day with a lot of… S E X
S - SMILE
E - ENERGY
X - XCITEMENT
So make S E X a daily habit, and you will always B SUCC SEX FUL! In your LIFE.

****************************

In a bath room,
A boy touches a girl everywhere!
You know who’s that boy?
Stupid It's Lifeboy Soap!
Dirty people always think dirty.

****************************

Ek Pathan Bhari Bus Mein Ek Larki Se Touch ho raha tha.

Larki:- "Excuse Me! Aap Accha Nahi Kar Rahe ho."

Pathan:- Itney Bheed Mein Is Se Accha Nahi Ho Sakta hai.

****************************

Mom:- Beta batao tumehre hath mein kitni ungliyan hain.

beta:6

Mom:- Gadha kahi ka, kitni baar mana kiya hai chaddhi mein haath daal kar mat gina kar.

Hindi SMS Jokes- Hot Sexy Jokes

2011-01-25T23:27:00.000+05:30

Come here,
take off your pents and knickers,
get on top of me,
enjoy until u get satisfied,
loving yours…..
toilet!

****************************************

Train main wife husband se boli:- Aaj suhagrat hai kuch karo naa !

Pati bola:- Dekha nahin saamne kya likha hai? CHALTI TRAIN MAIN CHADNA MANA HAI...

****************************************

I am AMITAB, From 'KBC,

Is waqt apki Girl Friend Mere saamne baithi hai aur usko aapki help ki zarurt hai.

Agli Awaaz apki Girl Frnd ki hogi

Aah Aah, BACHAO....

****************************************

Lady 2nd floor se Kele wale ko dekh kr pochti hai ‘kela kesy dega?’

Kele wala:- mem sahab 8 me 12

Lady:- 7(sath) me 13(tera) longi. Deta hai to upar aaja..

****************************************

Ek kuwari ladki pregnant ho gai. Uske papa ne pucha ki ye baccha kiska hain.

Ladki ne kaha:- Papa chote-chote recharge daalti thi, pata nahi ye life time validity kaha se dal gayi.

Sardar Jokes- Hot Jokes

2011-01-24T23:32:00.000+05:30

Sardar on phone:- Doctor my wife is pregnant. She is having pain right now.

Doctor:- Is this her first child?

Sardar:- No this is her husband speaking…

*****************************************

Ek aadmi ne apni wife ko khat likha,"IS Mahine salary ke badle 100 kiss bhej raha hun".

WIFE ne jawab diya,'Aap ke salary ke badle 100 kiss milay,hisab bhej rahi hun.

Doodh wala 2 kiss main hee maan gaya,Teacher ko 7 deni padi ,Sabzi wala 7 main nahi mana toh 9 dene pade, Kiryanewala 9 kiss se nahi mana, usko 5 aur di, Makaan malik toh roz 6-7 ley hee jaata hai,Aap chinta mat karna, mere pass approx 35 aur hai, yeh mahina aaram se kat jayega !!

*****************************************

Ek sardar Ladies toilet Me chala gaya.?

Ek Lady boli ye Mahilaon k liye hai...

Sardar Guss Me apni pent khol k. . .

''YE B MAHILAON K LIYE HI HAI ,,

*****************************************

Ek molvi khutbah dete huy: Aaj kal ki ortain itni barik kamezain pehanti hain, Itni barik shalwarain pehanti hain k unka jism saaf nazar aata hai, unki tangen nazar ati hai, unki kamr nazr aati hai, unke jism ki har jagah saaf nazar aati hain...

Peche se awaz ai Molvi sahab jumma pardho, mahol garam na karo..!

*****************************************

Santa banta se yaar yah scooty kaha se laye.

Banta- ek ladki ne mujhe scooty per bitha kar jangal me le gai aur apne kapade utar ker boli jo chahe so le lo. Mein kapado ka kaya karta, scooty le aaya.

Hot Jokes - Adult Jokes

2011-01-23T23:34:00.000+05:30

A girl phoned me
the other day and said …
“Come on over, there’s nobody home.”
I went over. Nobody was home

***************************************************************

Son- Aap roz papa pe chadh k jump kyu krti ho

Mom-Papa k pet ki hawa nikalne k liye

Son-Kya faida, kamwali papa k pent khol ke muh sai fir bhar deti h.

***************************************************************

Sexy Ladki In Sexy Voice: "Batao Na, Meri Panty Mein Kyaa Hai?

Santa With Confidence: Elastic Hi Hogaa Ji, Aaj-Kal Naade Waali Kaun Pehntaa Hai.

**************************************************************

Sexy Jokes - Hot Jokes

2011-01-22T01:31:00.000+05:30

What Foolish Concepts Society Has ?

If A Watch Goes Bad,

They Say BAND HAI.

And

If A Girl Goes Bad,

They Say CHALU HAI !!.

*********************************
Lady 2 Wakeel: Mujhe mre pati se talaaq chahiye.
Wakeel: Magar woh to kabaddi ka Champion hai.
Lady: yehi to problem hai Kamina sirf hath laga kar bhag jata hai.

*********************************
GirL In A Party To A Man:Excues Me Sir
Kia Ap Mere FACE Se 1 Cheez Hata Sakte Hein?

Man Khush Hote Hue
Han Han Bolo Kia?
.
.
.
.
.
GirL:Kuttay Apni Nazr Hata.

*********************************

Ek Ameer ne Ghareeb se pucha SEX mehnat hai ya maza?

Ghareeb bola sahab ji Zaroor Maza he hoga,
Warna agar Mehnat hoti to aap log ye bhi humse he kerwaty.

*********************************

Shadi k 7 din baad,
Saas Dulhun say: Kya tum meri di hue nai sari pehni?

Dulhun:- Wo mujhay 7 din se shalwar nhi pahnne de rahey!
Aap ko sari ki padi hai.,.,

Funny Jokes - Cool Jokes

2011-01-20T09:33:00.000+05:30

The World’s Thinnest book is published with title - “WHAT A WOMAN WANTS”

IT has only one page containing only one word – “EVERYTHING”

**********************************

Veeru:- Mein apna purse ghar bhul aaya hu, mujhe 1000 Rs. Chahiye.

Jay:- Dost hi Dost ke kaam aata hai. Ye le 10 Rs. Riksha kar aur ghar se purse le aa.

**********************************

Ek Sardar gadhe pe baith k college jata tha?

3 saal baad paidal college jane laga.

Socho kyu ???

Kyu ki Gadhe ka Graduation complete ho gaya tha.

**********************************

Na mom ki Mar se,

Na Dad k Atyachar se,

Na Dosto ki Fatkar se,

Na Ladki k Inkar se,

Na Chapplo ki bochaar se,

Ladke Darte hai to sirf “RAKHI” ke tyohar se.

COMING SOON...

Cool Jokes

2011-01-19T08:57:00.000+05:30

SANTA calls from Delhi 2 his wife in chandigarh. Servent picks phone.
SANTA- Memsab se baat kava.
Servant – Wo to sahab k saath bedroom me so rahi hai.
SANTA- Per Sahab to mein hu?
Servant – Ab mein kya kru?
SANTA- Maar do dono ko, Main aake tujhe 5 Lakh doonga.
After killing.
Servant - Lasho ka kya karu?
SANTA- Ghar ke peeche swimming pool mein phek ke bhaag jaa.
Servant - Par hamare ghar me to swimming pool hi nahi hai.
SANTA- Oh sorry, Lagta hai wrong Number lag gayaa.

*****************************************

A woman was kidnapped.

The kidnapper sent a piece of her finger to her husband and demanded money.

Husband replied – I want more proof. MUINDI BHEJO MUNDI.

*****************************************

If you rearrange the letters of “SIR U MADE LAKHS”.

You get – “ SURESH KALMADI”.

It’s strange but true.

Hot Jokes - Adult Jokes

2011-01-17T23:02:00.000+05:30

Once Tarzan undressed in jungle, seeing it all animals started laughing.

Tarzan asked – why you all are laughing at me.

They replied – we have seen an animal with a TAIL in front for the first time in our life.

*************************************

Men are like Tape Recorder …………….Forward, Backward, Forward, Backward, Forward, Backward, stop Eject……

*************************************

A kiss is called-

Humanity – if it is on cheek,

Love – if it is on Lips,

Passion – if it is on Breast,

Sensuous- if it is on Naval,

SEX – if it is on V?G?NA,

And BRAVERY – if it is on A S S H O L E.

Bold Jokes - Adult Jokes

2011-01-14T22:55:00.000+05:30

Mr. Ali had 3 sons named – Rahmat Ali, Barkat Ali & Mehboob Ali.

When 4th &5th was born then Ali’s wife decided to name them – Matkar Ali & Baskar Ali.

*******************************************

Why Women not have a PENIS?

Ans: B’coz that comes together with the Brain.

*******************************************

The Englishman says,” I’ve got ten children, one more and I will have a football Team”.

The American says, “I have got fourteen children, one more and I will have a rugby Team”.

The Arabian says’ “I have got seventeen wives, one more and I will have a GOLF Course”.

*******************************************

Friends are like underwear –always a comfort.

Good friends are like condom – always protective.

Great friends are like Viagra – lift you up when you are down.

CAN U BEAT THIS RESUME !!!!!!!!!!!! !

2011-01-08T18:02:00.000+05:30

RESUME

EDUCATION /Qualification:

1950: Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Punjab University, Chandigarh ,
1952; Stood first in MA (Economics), Punjab University , Chandigarh ,
1954; Wright's Prize for distinguished performance at St John's College, Cambridge,
1955 and 1957; Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge ,
1957; DPhil ( Oxford ), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India 's export competitiveness

OCCUPATION /Teaching Experience :

Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;
Reader, Economics, 1959-63;
Professor, Economics, Punjab University , Chandigarh , 1963-65;
Professor,Internati onal Trade, Delhi School of Economics,Universit y of Delhi,1969-71 ;
Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University ,New Delhi,1976 and Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi ,1996 and Civil Servant

Working Experience/ POSITIONS :

1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade
1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance

1976-80: Director, Reserve Bank of India ;
Director, Industrial Development Bank of India;
Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, Asian Development Bank;
Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, IBRD

November 1976 - April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Department of economic affairs);
Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission; Member,finance, Space Commission

April 1980 - September 15, 1982 : Member-secretary, Planning Commission

1980-83: Chairman , India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint study committee

September 16, 1982 - January 14, 1985 : Governor, Reserve Bank of India ..

1982-85: Alternate Governor for India , Board of governors, International Monetary Fund

1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister

1985: President, Indian Economic Association

January 15, 1985 - July 31, 1987 : Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission

August 1, 1987 - November 10, 19! 90: Secretary-general and commissioner,
south commission, Geneva

December 10, 1990 - March 14, 1991 : Advisor to the Prime Minister on economic affairs

March 15, 1991 - June 20, 1991 : Chairman, UGC

June 21, 1991 - May 15, 1996 : Union finance minister

October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket

June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance

August 1, 1996 - December 4, 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standing committee on commerce

March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the O pposition, Rajya Sabha

June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance

August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules

Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member, executive committee, Indian parliamentary group

June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee

BOOKS:

India 's Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth -
Clarendon Press, Oxford University , 1964; also published a large number of articles in various economic journals.

OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Adam Smith Prize, University of Cambridge , 1956

Padma Vibhushan, 1987

Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;

Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia, 1993 and 1994

INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS:

1966: Economic Affairs Officer

1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD

1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on
International Monetary Reform

1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings

1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting

1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting

1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus 1993: Human Rights World Conference, Vienna

RECREATION :

Gymkhana Club, New Delhi; Life Member, India International Centre,
New Delhi

PERSONAL DETAIL:

Name: Dr Manmohan Singh

DOB: September 26, 1932

Place of Birth: Gah ( West Punjab )

Father: S. Gurmukh Singh

Mother: Mrs Amrit Kaur

Married on: September 14, 1958

Wife: Mrs Gursharan Kaur

Children: Three daughters

Our Prime Minister seems to be the most qualified PM all over the world.

Hot Joke

2010-09-04T15:21:00.000+05:30

Mother found a condom in daughter's cupboard.

She went straight to her n asked: What is this?

Girl: तो आप क्या चाहती हैं, मैं इस उमर में मा बन जाउ?

MURDER OF ENGLISH

2010-07-01T15:01:00.000+05:30

The Leave Applications; )

· Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

'Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave.'

-------------------------------------------------------
· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the 'mundan' ceremony of his 10 year old son:
'as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days...'
--------------------------------------------------------
· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
'as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave..'
---------------------------------------
· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
'As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave..'
-----------------------------------------
· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
'Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave'
------------------------------------------
· An incident of a leave letter:
'I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday.'
---------------------------------------------
· A leave letter to the headmaster:
'As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today'
----------------------------------------------
· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
'As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day..'
--------------------------------------
· One Covering note:
'I am enclosed herewith...'
----------------------------
· Another one:
'Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below...'
------------------------------------
· Actual letter written for application of leave:
'My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave'.
----------------------------------------
· Letter writing:-
'I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.'
-----------------------------------------
· A candidate's job application:
'This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

LAUGH LAUGH n LAUGH

2010-05-06T14:08:00.000+05:30

Teacher: 'What is your name?'
Student: 'Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.'
Teacher: 'When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.'
Student: 'My name is Sunlight.

Teacher: 'What is your name?'.
Student: 'My name is Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: 'What kind of a name is this? Don't joke tell me the right name'
Student: 'My name is Sunderlal Chadda."

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhiji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.

Teacher: What is the full form of maths?
Student: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE

Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student: A holiday

Teacher: 'Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? '
Johnny: 'Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.'

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

नसबंदी की टीम ...

2010-04-24T16:48:00.001+05:30

नसबंदी की टीम दोबारा गांव में देखकर एक बुढा आदमी बोला – इन लोंगों नें कनेक्‍शन तो पहलें ही काट दिया था अब क्‍या हैंण्‍डसेट भी ले जायेंगे?

THE POWER OF WOMEN

2010-03-12T18:50:00.000+05:30

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . . .

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."

Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of green tea and start swirling it in your mouth. Don't drink it, just swirl it around and around".

.........2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with green tea and he never touched me."

Doctor:" You see how keeping your mouth shut is such a good idea !!!"

Bihari bacha ( A Too good joke )

2009-12-19T15:38:00.000+05:30

A man from Bihar was away from his wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna (Bihar).
At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.
His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.
The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"

The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be "DWIVEDI";

If it is the third neighbour then it would be "TRIVEDI",

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be "CHATURVEDI";

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be "PANDEY"...

After listening to this, questions followed.

What! if it is a mixture of neighbours?
"Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be "SHARMA"...

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...

If she does not remember the name then?
"It is YAAD-AV"

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named "DOSHI"...

Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named "JOSHI"...

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?....
"DESHPANDEY."

You Are Wonderful

2009-12-19T15:35:00.000+05:30

The following story captured our heart. It happened several years ago in the Paris opera house. A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales werebooming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold.

The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as the house manager took the stage and said, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you've all come to hear will not be performing tonight. However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment.

The crowd groaned in disappointmentand failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in's name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration.

The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished,there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded. Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, Daddy, I think you are wonderful! The crowd broke into thunderous applause.

We all need people in our Lives who are willing to stand up once in a while and say, I think you are wonderful.

And at times others are expecting this from you.

Are you telling them how wonderful you are . . .??????????

Say it now and make someone's day more pleasant.

GREAT FACTS ABOUT THE VALUE OF KISS

2009-10-08T13:34:00.000+05:30

GREAT FACTS ABOUT THE VALUE OF KISS

1. An act of kissing puts 29 facial muscles in motion. In other words, kissing can be used as an
effective exercise to prevent the development of wrinkles.

2. Lovers swap saliva containing various substances e.g. fats, mineral salts, proteins while kissing.

According to latest studies, the exchange of the above substances can give a boost to the
production of antibodies which are made specifically to deal with the antigens associated with
different diseases as they are encountered.

3. As a rule, 66 percent of people keep their eyes closed while kissing. The rest take pleasure in
watching the emotions run the gamut on the faces of their partners.

4. According to U.S. statistics, an American woman would kiss an average of 80 men before she
gets married.

5. A quick romantic kiss will burn about 2-3 calories, whereas French kiss (an openmouthed kiss
with tongue contact) will obliterate more than 5 calories.

6. Sensitivity of the lips is 200 times higher than that of the fingers.

7. It is thought that men who kiss their wives goodbye before going to work live five years longer
than those who just slam the door. Men of the latter category are said to be more prone to
traffic accidents.

8. Smooching passionately for 90 seconds will elevate blood pressure and cause the pulse rate
to go racing. It will also increase the level of hormones in the blood, thus reducing life by one
minute.

9. French kiss is called a “juncture of souls” in France . Not only the lips do the job, the tongues
come into play too. The passionate French invented another variety of the soul kiss in which
only the tongues are employed.

10. Contrary to a popular belief, the Eskimos do not merely rub their noses against each other in
a display of love and affection. The lips open up a bit once the olfactory organs of the kissing
partners meet. Then the Eskimos take a deep breath and send the air out while holding their

lips closed. After savoring the scent of each other, the partners press noses against each
other’s cheeks and freeze for a minute of two.

ऐसा वादा न कर ...

2009-07-27T19:34:00.000+05:30

ऐसा वादा न कर मुझसे की तू निभा न सके,
इतना दूर न जा की कभी मुझ पे हक़ जता न सके,
गलत्फमियों से न लगा नफरत की आग,
की चाह कर भी तू बुझा न सके,
न खीच दिल के आईने पे कुछ ऐसी रेखाएं जो चेहरा बदल दे,
की अपनी ही सूरत तू धडकनों को कभी दिखा न सके,
न बांध ज़माने के रिश्तों में मासूम प्यार को तू आज,
की कल खुदा सी पाक मोहब्बत के जस्बातों को तू कुछ समझा न सके,
है दम तेरी नफरत में तो छोड़ दे तस्बूर में भी मेरा ख्याल,
कहीं ऐसा न हो एक पल के लिए भी तेरी साँसे मुझे भुला न सके,
नामो निशा भी न छोड़ तू मेरी किसी निशानी का अपने पास,
लेकिन वक़्त के हाथ तेरे चेहरे से मेरे प्यार का निशा मिटा न सके,
सजा दिया नए रिश्तो की रौशनी ने मन तेरा जीवन,
पर यादों के लम्हों की दाल से ये मेरा नाम हाथ न सके,
इंसा से लेके खुदा तक सबने जिसे मिटाना चाहा
ऐसी मोहब्बत को भुलाने के लिए हम खुद को मन न सके,
न कर इतना शर्मिंदा मेरी मोहब्बत को आज,
की कल तू इस इश्क को अपने दिलके महल में सजा न सके.

जब कभी गुजरा जमाना ...

2009-07-27T19:33:00.001+05:30

जब कभी गुजरा जमाना याद आता है,
बना मिटटी का अपना घर पुराना याद आता है।
वो पापा से चवन्नी रोज मिलती जेब खरचे को,
वो अम्मा से मिला एक आध-आना याद आता है।
वो छोटे भाई का लडना,वो जीजी से मिली झिङकी,
शाम को फिर भूल जाना याद आता है।
वो घर के सामने की अधखुली खिङकी अभी भी है,
वहाँ पर छिप कर किसी का मुस्कुराना याद आता है।
वो उसका रोज मिलना,न मिलना फिर कभी कहना
जरा सी बात पर हँसना हँसाना याद आता है।

मेरी माँ ...

2009-06-20T16:27:00.000+05:30

मैं अकेला रो रहा था

तूनें कब की परवाह,

आगोश में जिसने समेटा

वो नहीं थी मेरी माँ।

मैं ग़लत था, मैं सही था,

तूनें कभी बताया कहाँ?

प्रेम से जिसने समझाया

वो नहीं थी मेरी माँ।

काश! तब समझा होता

तेरे मौन का मतलब माँ,

तू जगी, मैं सो रहा था

रो रही थी मेरी माँ ।

इस जहाँ में तेरा-मेरा

सबसे न्यारा रिश्ता माँ।

हौले-हौले मैं समझ गया

माँ तू ही थी मेरी माँ।

ज़िंदगी है छोटी ...

2009-06-20T16:26:00.000+05:30

ज़िंदगी है छोटी, हर पल में ख़ुश रहो...
Office मे ख़ुश रहो, घर में ख़ुश रहो...
आज पनीर नही है दाल में ही ख़ुश रहो...
आज gym जाने का समय नही, दो क़दम चल के ही ख़ुश रहो...
आज दोस्तो का साथ नही, TV देख के ही ख़ुश रहो...
घर जा नही सकते तो फ़ोन कर के ही ख़ुश रहो...
आज कोई नाराज़ है उसके इस अंदाज़ में भी ख़ुश रहो...
जिसे देख नही सकते उसकी आवाज़ में ही ख़ुश रहो...
जिसे पा नही सकते उसकी याद में ही ख़ुश रहो
Laptop ना मिला तो क्या, Desktop में ही ख़ुश रहो...
बीता हुआ कल जा चुका है उसकी मीठी यादें है उनमे ही ख़ुश रहो....

Ek Dukhi Pati

2009-06-13T15:56:00.000+05:30

**WARNING** THIS IS NOT STRICTLY TRUE IN EVERY SAALI'S. AND DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY!!
*What is the difference between Saali & Wife*
Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty
Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension
Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi
Saali is Pataka, Wife is Dhamaka
Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool
Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi
Saali is Fresh cake, Wife is earth QUAKE
If you have a Saali pass it on to her and let her know How you feel about her.This is your chance
If you haven't got a Saali then still Pass it on to others. let them have a good Laugh.

*Ek Dukhi Pati.*